The Aftermath of Being a Victor
by aprettyuglyoxymoron
Summary: Just a story in Johanna's POV. It starts from when she is crowned a victor and ends after Mockingjay. A little Joniss as well as a new character. Comments are welcome!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first hunger games fan fiction and I am a huge fan of Johanna Mason. I feel like she does not get the right amount of script time in the books and I will be altering the story quite a bit. It is in her point of view so expect some explicit thoughts although I have tried to tone it down to make it more reader friendly. There is a little bit of Joniss as well as Johanna with a new character. I hope you enjoy and I own nothing of the Hunger Games. Although, it is an amazing story.

Chapter One: Victory

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victor of the 71st Hunger Games, Johanna Mason." I heard Claudius Templesmith say. I stand up to wait for the hovercraft to appear and take my broken body away from this terrible place. I had just positioned my ax in someone's body but I could not bear to look at him. My arm was broken from our fight and hair was disheveled as I tried to pull it away from my face. There was not a single part of my body that was not somehow affected by these games. I guess my fellow tributes could say the same. How many had I killed? I didn't want to think about it. The hovercraft appeared out of nowhere, and it was nothing short of a sanctuary. Shortly after the claws make their decent to pick me up, I black out.

When I wake up, I know I am back at the Capitol and in the hospital. Everything is so clean and bright here. My senses are still so sharp from the games and I can feel the Avox's body to my right. However, they have me constrained to the bed. He must be moving me up because people are coming into view. She is the first person I see. Of course she is here, and it annoys me.

Holly Wood was my mentor and used to be my best friend. Now, however, she is just the perfect, precious love of the Capitol. I do not blame the Capitol for loving her. She is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. However, her good nature and fame is not something I really like about her. Our friendship ended as soon as she came back from the games. Victors in our District are amazing because they bring a year of food, but they are nothing beyond that. Truthfully I was disgusted by her.

I took a few seconds to look her over before anyone spoke. Holly won the 66th Hunger Game at a young age of 12. She was strong and taller than most people in our district with the typical brown colored hair. However, it fell in long smooth waves and her eyes were always mystifying. They were a brilliant green that won over a lot of her sponsors during her games.

Everyone must have thought I was not quite awake because when I got out of my daze, they were all still staring. I cleared my throat and blinked once or twice waiting for someone to say something.

"Well played, Mason." She says to me with a wink. She is teasing me which makes me blush with frustration. Before the games started, I had refused to use her as a mentor because she knew I was bluffing with my pity act and she thought I was laying it on too thick.

"Give it a rest, Holly" Blight says as he comes out from behind her. He has a slight grin on his face as if he were a proud father. I mean after all he now has brought two victors back to our district in the past 5 years.

"So, I have my final interview and then we can get out of this hell hole?" I ask with a hoarse voice. They both look at me with annoyed expressions. Apparently I am not allowed to speak my mind in this place. I suppose the Capitol is listening in on our conversation though.

"Not quite, President Snow would like to have a personal word with you first." Holly says with a tone I cannot quite figure out. Is it sorrow or sympathy?

Within the next few hours, I am escorted by a couple of peacekeepers to President Snow's office. The room is darker than an office should be, and all of the furniture is made of a solid varnished oak. The carving is beautiful, and I knew it had to be the work of someone from my district. He is sitting there with a cup of tea and some of those delicate Capitol pastries. I notice the air smells strongly of roses which nearly make me gag. As I walk in, he gestures for me to take the seat across from him and relieves the peacekeepers to go wait outside. I had no idea that it was customary for the victors to meet the President after they won the games, but apparently it is. I guess it wouldn't be televised.

"Congratulations Ms. Mason on your wonderful victory." He begins. His breath smells like blood and I am debating on if the roses or the blood smell worse.

"Thank you." I respond as politely as I can muster even though the thought of putting an ax in his head is crossing my mind.

He must see the reaction on my face because he laughs lightly before saying, "I can tell that you're not really in the mood for small talk. Therefore, I will cut to the chase. Ms. Mason, you are a very desirable person in the Capitol. How you had everyone convinced that you were weak and then showed them your true self at the end, it was truly remarkable." He pauses before choosing the way he wants to word the next part. "For some, their desire is more than just to meet you. They want to have you."

"Have me?" I ask not quite wanting to believe what he is saying.

"Yes, I am going to sell you to the Capitol citizens. What they do is pay for a night of your presence while you are in the Capitol. I will allow you to keep 10% of the profits. These sales go towards funding the Hunger Games. So, you can see the importance in them. What do you think about that?" Snow finishes.

I was surprised I managed to keep a straight face. The words that I am shouting towards him in my head are not going to prove the point I want to make. So I answer by saying, "As appealing as your offer may seem to you, Mr. President. I am going to have to say no." The sarcasm when I say his name did not go unnoticed by him.

"Now, Johanna think about your families safety and your… love interest." He says and for some reason when he uses my first name I get really heated.

"I am declining your offer and you can go to hell." I got up and walked out of the musty room. I ran into the elevator, punched the 7, and the doors closed on the very curious peacekeepers.

As I moved up, I began to really think about what just happened. Did he really just ask me to be a slave to the Capitol people's desires? He won't really hurt my family. I am supposed to be safe. Didn't I just win the Hunger Games? I am guaranteed a life of luxury. Now I have to worry about the safety of the people I love. All of a sudden I remember Holly's expression. It was not sympathy; it was empathy.

The doors opened and Holly was sitting on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. Of course she was drunk. How old is she? 17? She looked up at me as I stomped towards her. I think it amused her, and it just infuriated me more.

"Want to tell me why I just had to deny that sick man? Did you agree to that?" I was working to keep my voices down. All of the Avoxes in the area were clearing out.

"You denied him?" She bolted up and sent the whiskey to the ground with a little plump. As she staggered, she fixed her eyes on me.

"Yes, who would agree to that?"

"People who actually care about the ones they love. Are you stupid, Johanna? He will kill every single person you care about." She seems to be worried for me but all I can think about is how she agreed to that. All of a sudden, I am repulsed by the beautiful figure in front of me. The knowledge of what she does gets to me.

"You disgust me." I said because I was never good at filtering my thoughts.

Her eyes widen in anger but her voice remains calm, "You have no idea what I have been through. The youngest victor since Finnick. How many perverted men took up the idea of claiming a 13 year old girl. You don't know what disgusting is." She paused for a second as if really thinking about what she was going to say next. "You should have died in the arena, and saved your family and our District a lot of misery." Ouch that hurt. She takes one last look at me before she grabs the whiskey bottle and heads to her room.

I let her words sink in for a minute and then leave to go to my own room. I do fear for my family and my district, but I cannot give up who I am. I already did that to stay alive in the games. I did not work so hard to preserve my life just to have it ripped right out from under me. No, tomorrow will be the interview with Caesar and then I can go home to my life. That is if it is still there for me…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Home

The next morning I am woken up by a knock on my door. I grunted which must have enough clearance to come in. It was Holly and she was looking magnificent in a dark green dress. I stayed in bed though because I was trying to avoid my responsibilities already.

"It's time to get up, Johanna." Holly says as she is looking at her dress in my mirror.

"Where are my prep team and my idiot stylist at?" I ask as I sit up. I forgot I was in my underclothes, but then remembered I didn't really care if Holly saw me like this.

"They have refused to work with you. But I couldn't have you going out in front of Panem in your underwear." Holly jokes.

"Well I can get dressed myself. Thanks for the wakeup call though." I say as I walk past her and close my bathroom door on her. I can hear her sigh as she moves about my room to set up my outfit.

I get ready and meet Holly outside of my room in no time. Before I can even grasp what is happening they are setting me up so that I can go on stage. I have no problem with being on stage even though I pretended to throughout the games. So I take a big breath and start my ascent towards the front and center. Caesar Flickerman is waving for me to join him in the two open chairs. I, of course, am in no mood to be polite, but I have never really had a problem with Caesar.

"Johanna Mason. I think it is safe to say I am not the only one that bet you would not be here today." Caesar says. You asshole, you basically just said you bet against my life.

"Well Caesar, I guess it is the right opportunity for me to say, don't judge a book by its cover." I say right back to him. The crowd seemed to have liked that.

"I guess you are completely right. Tell me, what was going through your head throughout your time here at the Capitol. We could barely get a word out of you without you crying." He went on to show a short clip of my very embarrassing interview. I was obviously faking.

"I was thinking that the joke was on you…" I said in a snarky tone because I was done with this interview already. At that moment, Holly caught my attention because she had put her hands to her temples as if I were already disappointing her.

"That it was Johanna. Let's go on to talk about your time in the games. It's always the most exciting part for me and I am sure most of the crowd agrees." He had reflected my comment and brought the crowd back into the interview. I guess you can give him credit for at least wanting to make me look good.

After a long and drawn out video where they forced me to watch myself kill the people that I already see in my nightmares, the interview was finally over. I was loaded onto the train back to 7. Holly has refused to even look at me after my performance. I cannot say that I am that upset though. She has been nothing but a nosy pain since I got reaped. I had made it clear that I never wanted to talk to her again after she won her games, but my games had changed everything.

A few hours of silence on the train and I was very anxious and ready to get home. Was I really being selfish by wanting to keep my body to myself? My family and Jana were the only people on my mind. I was so anxious that it was even hard to eat which is saying something because that Capitol food was so delicious.

I have never been very good at the whole love thing, but Jana has been the closest thing to it. She is kind and just about everything that I am not. Lucky for her she made it through all six years without being reaped and that is mostly because she was a merchant girl. She helps her parents with the clothing shop in our district. As the train moves past more and more landscape, I think of her long brown hair flowing in the brisk fall wind, and her brown eyes looking dark and mysteriously into my own. All of this leaves butterflies in my stomach, and I cannot wait to see her.

The train pulls into the station and I find myself running to get off. After all, there should be a little crowd cheering for me in the square. Another victor which means another year of full stomachs. However, no one is there to cheer for me. The butterflies turn to a sinking feeling. Why is no one there? I look over at Holly and the realization hits.

Running towards my house I am sending prayers that they are safe. However, the only thing that stands where my house was is a heap of ash. I can still feel the heat which means it was very recent. There must be an explanation. It is not uncommon for houses to burn down here, but where is my family? I need to find Jana and hear the story and get answers. I reach her house with relief seeing that it is still standing. I pound on the door having no idea why she isn't answering. The fact that she wasn't there to welcome me is upsetting. My house has burnt to the ground, and I have no idea where anyone is.

"Jana, where are you?" I am nearly in hysterics when I hear a slight movement from the inside. I waste no time using my foot to break the door down. It crashes open and she is standing there with fear in her eyes. Why on earth is she afraid of me?

"Why weren't you there to welcome me back? What happened to my parent's house? Where are they?" I rushed the questions at her and it seems to scare her more.

"I can't see you anymore Johanna and I don't want to. You are a danger to everyone around you. Your family was burnt with your house yesterday. The peacekeepers came to talk to me. They told me that you turned down a job in the Capitol risking my life and your families." She answers backing away from me.

"Jana, if you would just let me explain." I was nearing tears and I very much hate crying.

"I do not need you to explain. I saw the games. I am very much repulsed by you and wish to never see you again. Stay away from me." She says as she pushes me out of the doorway and picks up the door to slam in my face.

I am running again but this time to the Victor Village. I know which house is hers and I know that she will be in there. She is the only other person who remotely cares about me. Jana just broke my heart, and my family is gone. I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't bother knocking and just walk in. She is in her living room with another bottle of whiskey which she seemed to have stolen quite a few from the Capitol train.

"Figured it all out, darling? Did he kill your family and convince your loved one that they would either die or never speak to you again?" She hands me the bottle and I gladly take it.

I decide not to reply and instead begin to drink my sorrows away. When the bottle is empty, Holly grabs another and begins to drink some before handing it to me. I take a few more swigs and realize that she may have something going for her with the alcohol. The pain seems to be considerably less.

"This stuff is pretty good." I say after taking another swig.

Holly gives a little chuckle before replying, "Only the best for the Victors. The Capitol is not stupid. It is better to have slowed down, depressed champions rather than hot heads like yourself."

"I am not a hot head!" I yell defensively which only makes her laugh more.

"Whatever you say, Johanna," She says as she takes another drink and hands it back to me.

After half of that bottle is finished, I am beginning to feel not entirely well. I am about to relay this to her when I vomit all over her floor.

She looks at me and sighs before saying, "I think you've had enough. Come on, I will put you in one of my beds. Your house won't be ready for another day." She picks me up like I am a doll. Her strength amazes me before I puke again on her shirt this time. I can't tell what her expression is, but I don't really care. I am crying now. Crying for my family, crying for the loss of my love, crying because I will never be the same. The Hunger Games have taken everything from me, and now I am drowning in my own vomit and pity.

Holly takes off my shirt and pants because they are dirty. Setting me lightly on the bed, she takes her shirt off before setting a waste basket next to me. I am pretty sure I am done throwing up but she puts it there as precaution. The tears have stopped and Holly has tucked me into bed. I obviously am very tipsy by now and her lack of clothing has really caught my eye. "You are beautiful but kind of full of yourself. I don't like the person you have become." I slur out to her.

"You haven't bothered to get to know the person I have become. But you're a victor now. You will know soon enough what it is like. Good night, Johanna. Make sure you sleep on your side. And try to throw up in the basket." She replies with a little smirk.

I nod though it sends me spinning again, and as I am close to blacking out, I think I register just one more thing. Its Holly's lips just brushing mine.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Revelations

The next morning, I wake up with a pounding in my skull. Who would have thought that alcohol could have such an after effect? On the plus side, I did not throw up again. I lie there for a long time just looking at Holly's room. It is nicely decorated and simple. Is this what my life is going to be like? Simple with spare bedrooms that I have extra money to decorate? I am considering burning down my house when Holly walks in with a tomato looking drink. It looks absolutely disgusting.

"Trust me, it will help." She says because she can tell that there is no way I am going to drink it. The drink makes its way to my shaking hands as I sit up.

It does help and tastes better than it looks. I am already prepared to get out of the bed and go to my house which is probably just next door. However, Holly pushes me back down. She looks at me very seriously as if she were trying to predict my next move.

"Look, I don't want a big lecture about last night. I am not going to become a drunk or anything." I say waving away her caring eyes. Last night was a moment of weakness and I hate weakness.

"That is not what I wanted to talk about. First of all, I am sorry about last night. I need to control my own drinking. I am also sorry about Jana. It happens a lot of the time. When victors come back to the ones that they love, those loved ones are often terrified of them." She says and she is not quite meeting my gaze.

"I thought it was a good time. And Jana will come around" I shrug because it has been a long time since she and I have talked and acted like friends.

"Also, there will be a time and a place to retaliate for what happened to your family. Now is neither the time nor the place. Do you get what I am saying?" She says and I can tell that she is trying to tell me that I should not try to start an act of rebellion today.

Just when I think that she and I can be friends again, she goes and makes a stupid comment like that. "Believe me, I know." I reply in a sassy tone and get up from the bed to go and live in the house next door that already feels cold and empty.

As the weeks turn into months, I begin to realize just what Holly went through when she won her games. Everyone was too scared to even look at me. I became sullen and hostile to the ones who actually tried to talk to me. They act like it is my fault that I won the Hunger Games. As if I had a choice to not be the winner and still be alive. The only time that anyone is happy is when the monthly winning supplies come in. However, most of the time the food is either too little or too rotten and everyone just goes back to hating me.

"Why even call it a prize? They barely give anything" I am complaining to Holly.

"I wonder why that is" She replies with a lot of sarcasm.

I look at her confused and she rolls her eyes before saying, "You refused the Capitol offer, remember? They are going to make your life as miserable as possible."

The idea of this sinks in and only makes me even angrier. Snow is not going to stop until I agree. But, I am a very stubborn person. Right then, my attention turns to Holly.

"Why did you agree to that job?" I voice my curiosity aloud.

She seems to be feeling a little uncomfortable at the question or maybe she is trying to think of an appropriate answer. "I said no at first. Then he killed my family and threatened the one that I love. He spared the one I love. But, I am forced to look at what my mistake has done to them all the time." She finishes and I imagine a strong man who maybe got severely burnt or hurt. There are plenty of those in our district. I find myself jealous of this person.

I wanted to pry more but I could tell that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She probably wouldn't say anything more anyway. So, instead, I change the subject, and she seems relieved by it.

It is no surprise that Holly and I become friends again. She really is an easy person to be around and we have been through a lot of the same things. Sometimes I can't even remember why I didn't want to talk to her. One morning, I am woken up with a shake. The sun has not even begun to touch the sky but there is someone in my room. I wake with a start and jump out of bed before I realize that it is just Holly.

"You nearly scared the life out of me!" I yell at her.

"Get up; I want to show you something." She says as she throws me some clothes.

I follow her outside of my house and to the edge of our district. It is so dark that I am surprised that we can even see anything, but Holly seems to know where she is going. We reach the large electric fence that is never turned on and has been overgrown by trees. Holly leads me under a particularly dense area where there has been a gap cut in the electric fence. Finally, I cannot stop myself from asking her where we are going. She just replies with a shush and listens for anything or anyone. We head to a tree that is hollow, and Holly pulls out an axe that has been wrapped in a bag to keep it from rusting. I can tell she has been out here a lot which surprises me.

We keep walking for what feels like forever until we reach an enormous clearing. It takes me a second until my eyes adjust where I realize that it is a lake that is in the clearing. Holly stops and begins to take things out of her bag. First she removes a blanket and sets it on the ground. She sits and then motions for me to join.

"What are we doing out here?" I am slightly annoyed because I have never really been a morning person.

"I wanted to have breakfast out here. It is so quiet and easy for you to get lost in the world and forget." She says as she pulls out some breakfast and tea.

I must admit that she is right. We sit there and enjoy breakfast in silence. I can't help but feel a little happy out here as the sun begins to rise beautifully to our right. It reflects off of the lake and for a minute I can't tell the difference between earth and sky.

"Do you like it?" Holly asks and I realize that she has been watching me.

"It's beautiful out here. How did you find it?"

"I spent a lot of time debating on running away after I won the games. Every time I would end up here and with time, I made it a type of sanctuary. I like to come and watch the sun rise once a week in the summer time." Holly replied and looked out at the lake.

"Do you know how to swim?" I ask a little nervous. Sometimes Holly can be very mysterious.

"I taught myself with a little help from Finnick" She said with a smile.

"Odair?"

"Yes, he and I are pretty close."

I feel a pang of curiosity on how they became so close, but choose to continue drinking my tea instead of asking more. We spend probably another hour there just talking and relaxing. It is the happiest I have been in a very long time. However, like everything happy, it has to stop.

What I assume is still early morning, Holly and I begin to head back to the fence. The walk back seems a lot longer than the walk there because it is much warmer. When we get back to the tree, Holly wraps up her axe with a wink at me, and we are back inside the district with no one being any wiser.

The weeks move on in my now boring victor life, and the day approaches where I have to go on my victory tour. It is tradition that all of the mentors join in on the tour. Holly takes up drinking again, but this time I do not blame her.

"You ready?" Holly asks as she puts her arm over my shoulder. All of this was for the cameras. Make Panem think that we victors are happy after the games. Of course, she had quite a bit of whiskey in her which always makes her friendlier.

"Just get me on the train so we can get this over with and we can come back to our happy lives." I say with a fake smile on my face. I even feel giddy enough that I place an arm over Blight to make us all look like a family. The Capitol is going to love this.

The first stop is 8. They have us go up to 12 and then back to 6 down to the Capitol. It is going to be a long two weeks and I know I am not the only one dreading it. The good thing is we can all enjoy the food and alcohol. Holly and I have started a routine where we get really drunk and one person has to carry the other to bed. I'll admit that I am usually the one getting carried to bed.

At each district, I give a speech that is read from flashcards that Holly has taken the time to write for me. The best part though is the dinner with some of the other victors and their district mayor. Only a few of these people capture my attention.

From District 11, Chaff is a big black man with part of his arm missing. He is funny and I can tell he likes to drink. We are going to be good friends at the Capitol over the next few years. Their food is also very good which is not surprising because they come from the agricultural district. Overall my time in District 11 is not the worst.

Next is Haymitch from District 12. He was too drunk to make it through soup. He fell out of his seat and passed out. I mimicked it when we got back on the train. Then Blight told me that his family and girlfriend were murdered right in front of him. Holly told me later that it was for the same reason that my family had been killed. I guess I could consider myself lucky that I didn't have to witness it happen.

Finnick and an elderly woman named Mags were some victors from District 4. Finnick won a few years before Holly. If I liked men, Finnick would be described as the perfect man. We got along right away and the food was fantastic.

"So you and Holly are finally a thing?" Finnick whispers to me.

I look at him curiously, and I can tell he has said too much because he automatically looks regretful because of my reaction. I look over to Holly who is laughing with the red head victor (Annie I think). What did he mean by finally a thing? Holly liked men for all I knew. "No, I don't think we are. What made you say that?" I ask and turn my attention back to him.

"Oh, I thought I saw you at the start of the victory tour. I mean you are interested in women though, right?"

"Why are you free?" I come right back with a wink. We both laugh.

"No, I am currently taken and hopefully permanently in the future." He says and I can see the glow in his eyes. Whoever she is, she is very lucky. Then I see his eyes dart over to Annie and Holly. Ah of course, it's Annie.

"Well you're one lucky guy, Mr. Odair" I say as I look over at them as well.

"You don't have to tell me twice." He winks.

The next stop is District 3. The female victor is a little off which is probably from the games or her age. Either way, I take to calling her Nuts. The male victor has gotten the nickname of Volts because throughout the entire dinner he mentions electricity in about every sentence. Holly tells me later that he won his games by electrocuting many tributes to death. Volts seems to be the appropriate name.

Enobaria is a freak from District 2. She had her teeth sharpened into fangs. I just ignore her and the rest of the tour until we get to the Capitol. Holly is taken right as the train pulls into the station. I know where she is headed and feel really sorry for her. My prep team gets me all ready for the party and it truly is an extravagant event. The tables are so full with food. It is enough to feed my district for a month, and these people are eating until they throw up so they can eat more.

"Pretty disgusting party isn't it?" Holly whispers as she sneaks up behind me. She wipes everyone out of the room with her beauty. What makes her even more extravagant is knowing what she has had to go through these last few hours. I am happy to see her, but don't say it.

"Yeah, the rich throw parties and the poor starve to death." I spit. Holly just sighs and takes my hand to drag me to the dance floor. This is just more acting for the cameras. For me though, it isn't acting; I am really having fun.

"Where did you learn to dance so well, Johanna?" Holly smiles as we move around the dance floor.

"My parents taught me when I was very young. I guess it is something I have never really forgotten." I smile lightly as I think of them.

"You truly are an amazing and strong woman." She says seriously as she looks me up and down.

"I could say the same about you, Ms. Wood." I joke in my fake Capitol accent. We both chuckle not caring if anyone around us actually heard.

We eat and dance for as long as my feet will let me. However, the fun doesn't last. Holly is taken away again by some Peacekeepers. I want to yell at them, but I know that will only bring problems to her. After she is gone, I just sit at a table while people stop by to talk to me. I smell him before he speaks.

"Why looking so sad, Ms. Mason? Is my party not living up to your expectations?" Snow sat across from me with Peacekeepers at his side.

"I am not sad just tired from all that dancing. Your party is wonderful but a little extravagant for my taste." I say trying to keep the small talk going.

"I see you've gotten pretty close to the beautiful Ms. Wood. Are you sure you won't take me up on my deal? It would be a shame if something happened to her." He says and is still thinking he will get me to say yes. If I didn't say yes for Jana, why would I say yes for Holly?

Still I am scared for her. I have to be quick to hide my emotions so I laugh before saying, "You honestly think that I will allow myself to care about someone again? If you kill her, you are losing a slave and still not hurting me. Hurting her is not going to get me to say yes. My answer is still the same." I sure hope that convinced him.

"It's a pity"

"What is?" I spit.

"I figured you cared as much about her as she did about you. After all, the only reason she agreed to the deal was to protect you." His sick smile makes me realize what he is saying. Holly is in love with me. I am the person that she has to watch every day be hurt by the effects of the Hunger Games. She is selling herself to save me…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Train Rides

We are back on the train the next morning and I am happy to see that Holly has made it through the night. Either I convinced Snow or he does realize that killing her would be of no use to him. I give her a long look before I move closer. Throughout last night I had not given much thought to the fact that she loved me. I guess I am not that surprised because of what Finnick said earlier in my tour, but I guess she had never really expressed her love fully. Although we did spend a lot of time alone, I just assumed it was because we both were trying to hide away in our own pity.

When I get closer to her, I can see that she is working on the whiskey. Each time we ride the Capitol train I swear she steals like twenty bottles of the stuff. I personally am more into wine because it is so exotic. You can get whiskey at our black market area. As I am about five or so feet away from Holly, I go to make a joke about her poor taste in alcohol until I notice the bruises that cover her arms.

"What the hell is this?" I ask as I touch her arm. Maybe she hadn't gone unscathed after my talk with the President.

"Don't worry about it." She answered as she brushed my hand away.

I could tell she wasn't going to answer me until she had more whiskey than blood in her, so I just sat down beside her and grabbed a glass. My victory tour had not been all that bad, but I was definitely glad it was over. I told Holly this and she just scoffed at me.

"It is never really over Johanna." She answered and took another swig of whiskey from the bottle.

"What do you mean?" I ask even though I understand where she is coming from. I just want to hear her logic.

"You know exactly what I mean. Mentoring isn't such a bad thing though. We get to enjoy more of the luxuries of the Capitol. They are just so damn good to us. Don't you think?" She held up her whiskey bottle with a malicious look in her eye. So she must know that Snow told me about her love for me.

"Definitely can see their pleasures have reddened your cheeks," I remark. Her face was flushed from the alcohol.

"Oh there's no need to pretend that's only the alcohol"

"Am I upsetting you? Because I could easily leave you alone. I never even wanted to be around you in the first place, but it seems like we are both stuck here, doesn't it?" I yelled.

She just shook her head and got up to leave which only infuriated me more. "You really don't have anything left to say to me?" I followed her out the door and to her room.

"No I don't." She went to go close her door in my face but I stopped her. I stepped inside her bedroom and closed the door behind me.

"Well I have something to say to you!" I am not sure why I am so mad at her.

"Oh yeah? Go on then, spit it out" Holly slurs at me and she stands up straight.

"Maybe you should come out and be truthful for once instead of trying to do what is best for me behind my back. What if it isn't what I want?" I say in an angry tone.

"Would you rather have died in the Hunger Games? Or in a miraculous fire? What do you want? Do you want me to apologize for falling in love with you?"

I did not know what to say instead I proceeded to push her lightly on the bed which wasn't hard because she was stumbling as it is. This was something I had been thinking about doing for a while. After all she is beautiful.

I got on the bed with her and took her shirt off but what happened next was not something I had expected. I didn't quite hide the horror on my face quick enough. Her entire torso was covered in bruises. "What happened?"

"You should go." She said and before I could say anything back she got sick all over the bed and herself. We should really stop drinking I think to myself before I go to start a hot shower for her.

I managed to get Holly up, but she locked me out of the bathroom while she took a shower. She stumbled out in a towel and I could tell she was very disappointed in herself. Most of the time, I am the one who ends up getting sick. As she got dressed, I tried to be respectful but I couldn't help notice the bruises all over her body.

"Can I stay in your room?" She asked which brought me out of my daydream. She indicated the soiled bed. I nodded and we went off to my room. When we got into bed, Holly placed her arm over me protectively. I didn't even get a chance to apologize before her breathing became even and peaceful.

The next morning I wake up but Holly is not in the bed with me. I go out to the dinning cabin and she is well on her way to eating a feast of a meal. Blight and her laugh at something together which I must have missed. For some reason I feel like everything is calm and for a moment we could just be average people from the past just traveling to visit friends. However, like the speed of the train the moment passes.

"Johanna, you should come sit and enjoy the last breakfast. After all, Holly has come up with this crazy plan to make us look like good mentors." Blight jokes with his own glass of wine turned towards me. I notice Holly is sticking to water this morning.

I oblige and grab everything that my hands come in contact with. It is amazing how quickly you can get accustomed to eating like a Capitol citizen. "So what is your big plan?" I ask Holly as I start scooping eggs into my mouth.

"We will train a little together. Work as a team. I myself am going to cut back on the alcohol." Holly answered with a small smile.

"See I told you she was crazy." Blight chuckled and snuck a bottle of wine into his coat.

We spent the rest of the time hanging out in the food cart. Blight and I got quite tipsy as the train came rolling into District 7. There was no warm welcome which I should not have been surprised. All of the men were out working and all of the kids were still in class. If this is what my life was going to be like for the next twenty or so years, I don't think I should have many complaints. However, I still have this panging feeling of guilt when I think of the woman who is walking home next to me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Shawarma

Before I know it, the reaping for the 72nd Hunger Games is upon me. I am not sure I am ready to mentor anyone yet, but I will have the help of Blight and Holly. Holly has been keeping her distance from me which annoys me. For someone who seems to love me, she doesn't really act like it. The train heads off and we are back to the Capitol. The tributes from 7 are going to be weak this year. They will be lucky to make it past the first day. As the train rolls on and we are all just sitting there, I decided to break the ice.

"Alright, so I will cut to the chase, make the Capitol people like you and we will do the best to get you sponsors. Stay away from the Cornucopia unless you want to die." I say quickly and bluntly. They might as well be given the truth.

"Do either of you have a specific set of skills?" Holly asks them.

Both look at her as if she just asked if they could do back flips. The girl finally speaks up, "I can climb trees."

Great, stay in a tree. That will win you the games. At some point, you will have to get your hands dirty. Every victor is not a victor by chance. We are all killers. Through all of this the boy just remains silent. He must have accepted that he is going to die. Well at least he can enjoy some good Capitol food.

Holly and Blight talk logistics with the two weak-links, and I have already given up on the whole mentor thing. I open a bottle of whiskey and begin to drink it. No one says anything to me, so I assume it is safe to leave the cart and go somewhere to drink my sorrows away.

About a half hour later, the doors open behind me and she struts in. She is probably going to give me a lecture or something. Instead, she grabs the bottle of whiskey and sits next to me.

"Given up on them too?" I ask.

"They went off to bed but yeah, they are hopeless." She pauses then to gather her words. "Johanna, I am sorry I have been so distant. It is everything that has been going on."

"Finally figured out that I am not the bad guy, darling." I joke.

"That and I feel like I did not know how to approach you. I thought if I stayed away I might make everything more comfortable for you. I don't expect you to tell me how you feel about me. I don't even expect you to talk to me. But my offer of friendship is out there with the knowledge that it will always be more for me." Holly lectures. I feel like she is trying to give me a choice but at the same time hoping that I choose her.

It is not like I am not attracted to Holly, but I know that I cannot allow my attraction to become anything more. It will just give the Capitol leverage. In addition, I still have Jana in the back of my mind. It is not easy to forget someone even if they have cast you away.

"The most I can give to you is friendship. It is not because you have done anything-" I start but she just waves my excuse away.

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Johanna."

The rest of the ride we get drunk and dance around the front compartment like there is nothing wrong with our lives. It feels nice to have Holly back. She is someone I can swim in my sorrows with. When we arrive at the Capitol, the fun is over and I have to take Holly's place as a mentor.

Holly is gone every single night which is depressing as well as annoying. Who else am I suppose to get drunk with? To make things worse, the games end with a rather dull Career winning. My tributes both died in the blood bath that I warned them about. The night before the closing ceremonies, I tried to find Finnick so that we could get drunk. Instead, I ran into Haymitch.

"Hello, Johanna. Care for some liquid love?" He asks as he holds up a clear liquid. It must be vodka and I laugh.

"I was going to get drunk with Finnick, but you will do." I smile.

We have a conversation. Mostly talking about the times where we have done really dumb things while drunk. Haymitch actually tore his phone out of his wall one night because people from the Capitol wouldn't leave him alone. The way he acted it out left me laughing like a little girl.

"You know, you're not half bad. I mean Holly is always talking you up, but I figured it was just a biased opinion. How about we go get some shawarma tomorrow evening before the closing ceremonies? I know a really good place." He slurs out.

For some reason I feel like he is initiating me into something. Maybe it is just a gut feeling or maybe it is hope. Either way I agree and ask him if Finnick will be there. It would be nice to see him one more time before heading back to District 7.

"Well, Finnick is busy at night like Holly, but he has been before." Haymitch's mood gets a little somber when he says this. However, everything lightens up when Chaff comes into the hall.

"Hey! Happy Hunger Games to the crappy mentors!" Chaff yells holding up another bottle with clear liquor in it.

We get even more drunk and laugh about nothing. I realize that these two are probably the only people that I will be able to get drunk with because they are older and not as desirable. I think of Holly then, and notice that it is just getting light out. We have drunk ourselves into the morning. I bid them both good-bye as we laugh about my failed attempts to get to the elevator.

"You don't forget about our shawarma date. Chaff will join us." Haymitch says through laughs.

"By the way, what is shawarma?" I ask stumbling into the elevator.

"Some food these Capitol people love. It is pretty…" Haymitch says as the doors close.

The speed of the elevator makes me dizzy, but I am determined to get to her room without being sick. I half walk half fall towards her door. It's unlocked so I don't bother knocking. She is just getting out of the shower.

"Holly? You wouldn't believe what I've been doing." I end up falling on the floor and then leaning on the bed. She comes out with nothing on which surprises me at first, but then I notice the towels on her dresser. She seems amused which makes me happy. Anything that can make this poor girl smile will make me smile.

"Enlighten me, Johanna" She smirks probably because she notices me checking her out. How could I not look? She was getting dressed right in front of me.

I avert my eyes before replying, "Haymitch and I bonded a bit through our love for alcohol. He invited me for shawarma, whatever that is. Then Chaff joined us, and we all enjoyed the lovely drink. Will you be joining us for shawarma?" I hold out my hand as a man would for a lady. She giggles. I must look really silly to her.

"You're in luck, I convinced Snow to let me have tomorrow night off. So I would love to have some shawarma." She takes my outstretched hand.

"How did you convince the man of that?" She has never had a night off in the Capitol.

"Easy, I have to meet with Seneca in a few hours. He is the only client for the day." She shrugs.

"Seneca Crane?" My eyes open wide, and I make a puking sound.

"Not all of us get a choice on the ones we take to bed." She winks and picks me up off the floor and onto the bed.

My motor skills are incredibly impaired, so I lose the wrestling fight almost immediately. She has me pinned near the head of the bed. I would very much like her to take advantage of me right now, but instead, her face softens and she places a light kiss on my forehead. When she looks back at me, I am still wondering what she sees in me. Why would she do all of this for me?

Her voice brings me back to the present. "I have to get a few hours of sleep. Would you care to join me?" She says as she gets under the covers.

I nod because the minute she said it, I know that I am tired. As soon as I get under the covers, I black out again.

When I wake up the next morning, Holly is not in bed with me. An Avox is there to greet me. She has pretty red hair that matches the magical red hang over drink she has in her hands. I thank her and get out of Holly's room. It feels wrong to be in there without her. I take a shower and get ready for dinner with Haymitch. As I am finishing, Holly comes in with a smile.

"You look like Christmas came early." I remark. She just laughs.

"I have something for you." She pulls out a little box and hands it to me. I notice again the bruises on her arms.

"It really is Christmas." I joke and open the box. Inside is a thin necklace with an ivory stone that is incased in part of a tree. I know this necklace. It was the trinket I wore in my games. I lost it in the final battle… It had belonged to my mother.

"Do you like it?" Holly had been silent as I was thinking all of this over. I had tried to get it back from the arena, but the gamemakers said that it was part of the games now.

"How did you get it?" I ask as I am trying to fight back tears. I hate crying.

"Bringing the head gamemaker to bed has its perks." She smiled with relief because I was putting the necklace back on.

I don't really know how to thank her so I just finished putting it on and surprised her with a hug. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

"How did you get those bruises?" I ask as we are headed to the 12th floor.

"Seneca is a very dominant man. Everything is a game to him, but he always wins." She says spitefully. I am not sure why I do it, but I grab her hand. It seems to calm her.

The elevator doors open and Haymitch is all ready to see us. It even looks like he showered. It is the most sober I have ever seen the man. This shawarma place must be nice, and I start to second guess what I am wearing. Holly looks elegant like always which makes me even more self conscious. What is going on here?

"Holly! Glad you could make it." Haymitch says as he shakes her hand. I notice the little wink she gets because she took my hand again. After a little conversation, Chaff walks out of the elevator.

"It's shawarma time!" He yells and I notice that even he has showered and is not yet drunk.

I decide to keep my mouth shut about my observations of their appearance. These men don't just stop drinking for no reason. We end up out in the Capitol before I know what is happening. I have never been beyond the training area before unless you count the small travel to the Presidents mansion. The shawarma place is only a few blocks away, but it seems like an entirely different place. The aroma coming from the restaurant would make even the rich's mouth water. Maybe they weren't kidding when they were saying they wanted to go here for the food. The idea sinks my heart a little, but I guess that it will be a good meal at the very least.

When we walk in, everyone in the restaurant clears out immediately. I ask Holly about this and she tells me the owner makes all the Capitol citizens clear out to give us space. He doesn't like when all his customers are asking for our autographs. Plus, we don't have enough time for that.

We choose a table in the far corner which I like because we can talk without the owner listening in. Haymitch orders for all of us and buys two bottle of Champaign. This really must just be a tradition for them because they seem to be really happy here. The cook is nice enough too. He gives us the space so that we can be alone.

"So, you are probably wondering why I chose this place to eat." Haymitch says after the Champaign arrives.

"I assumed the food was good." I reply because I didn't want to say too much.

"Oh the food is exceptional. On top of that though, the place is not bugged. We can talk freely here. Marcus over there is part of the rebellion. We are a secret organization that plans to take over the Capitol." Haymitch lets this sink in.

"When do you plan on doing that and how?" I ask in disbelief. This is probably just a silly joke that they are playing on me.

"There is no definite time. However, it will be soon. Plutarch Heavensbee is working his way up to be head gamemaker. That is why Holly has been spending so much time with the current gamemaker. She is trying to convince him to step down. Heavensbee is in line with District 13."

"Wait, District 13?"

"Yes, they are alive and apparently strong enough to help us take on the Capitol."

I think about this for a second. District 13 did not get annihilated, and they have just sat back and watched as we had 72 years of the Hunger Games. I hate them already, but I decided I don't hate them as much as the Capitol. Holly can tell what I am thinking because she pipes up.

"This isn't a joke, Jo. They really are planning on helping us. We just need to strike a rebellion. Start the fire so to speak." She says.

At that time, our shawarma shows up, and we all begin to eat. I am just soaking everything in. A world without the cruelty of the Capitol. One without the Hunger Games and where Holly and I and all the other victors could be free…

"So how do I sign up?" I say after I finally realize how amazing this opportunity could be.

"You just did." Chaff said as he held out his good hand for me to shake. I take it and already my mood is lightened.

As we are walking back to the end of another year of the Hunger Games, I walk with a little more strut in my step. My mood has rubbed off on Holly which only makes it better. A world where I can admit my love for Holly. Right now love is not something I can feel. Right now, I feel hope.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5 The 74th Hunger Games

The 73rd Hunger Games is nothing much to comment on. I hate every minute in the Capitol because Holly just has to suffer more. The more I think about my relationship with Holly, the more I realize that she is more than just a friend to me. I find myself wanting her to hold my hand or comfort me in the night when terrors haunt my dreams. There is not a doubt in my mind that she loves me, but if I want to convince Snow, I have to resist my own impulses.

During the time in the Capitol, Snow threatened me again. I refused him and told him that Holly would be the only victor from District 7 that he was going to get. He retaliated by killing Jana. Even though the girl had cast me off, I still was hurt. She meant a lot to me. After that incident, I started to lose hope in the entire overthrowing the Capitol idea. However, the 74th Hunger Games changed it all.

Reaping day was no different. Two puny tributes which just made me even more excited to start drinking. Holly and I kept to ourselves and were watching the recap of the other District's reapings. I was already pretty tipsy and decided to take a nap by the time they got to our District. However, I could never have predicted what happened next.

"Jo, wake up!" Holly nudged me and I nearly dropped the open bottle of whiskey in my hand.

"Huh?" I sat up alarmed and seeing doubles.

"A girl from District 12 just volunteered to save her 12 year old sister." She says as she replays what just happened. Her words from a few years ago light up in my head, a spark to start the fire. An outlying District never has volunteers. This girl could be our freedom.

We get to the Capitol, and I really wanted to meet the girl. Haymitch doesn't allow it, and it isn't strictly legal. He admits that she is too pure for me anyway. The way Haymitch makes it sound; she is not all that I think she is. I just thought that I could convince someone to have a drink with me. Even Haymitch is being sober this year. For the opening ceremonies, the two tributes from 12 come out on fire, and I mean they were set on fire. I also notice that they are holding hands. It unifies them, and this only makes Holly and I cheer more. The wheels are being set in motion.

"How come you don't have to work tonight?" I ask as Holly and I are lounging in the living area.

"President Snow says that Seneca needs to focus on the games so he took me out for tonight." She smiles.

"Well I am grateful to have someone to talk to. You know how lonely it gets being with Blight and two scared tributes. There is more cheer in the Hunger Games." We both laugh.

"Yeah, I am glad to be with you too. Mostly because that's where I am always happy."

"None of that sappy stuff." I remark. She just laughs it off knowing that I don't know how to express a feeling like love.

"I don't know why they would want to use you in the Capitol. You don't have an ounce of romance in your body." We both laugh again.

As the night wares on, Finnick manages to stop by with Mags and Annie. It is like a small family. I am happy in this moment, and I only hope that District 12 can pull this off.

"What are your bets this year, Finnick?" Holly asks when Mags and Annie go to bed. We all pull out the alcohol.

"Have you seen the boy from 2? Even the boy from 11 looks strong too." He stops and I am sad to see that he didn't say 12.

"What about the girl from 12?" I ask.

"Katniss, the girl on fire," He laughs "I am afraid they have stamped a target right on her back. If she doesn't have a skill then she doesn't have a chance."

Unfortunately, he is right and I find myself hoping that she has something. The next few days go by and Katniss must have a skill because she pulls an 11 at training. Then her interview happens, and I realize I don't like her. I might actually hate her. She is a twirling idiot. That is going to be the person who sets the rebellion in motion? I lose hope as she continues her interview.

However, the real thing that captures my attention again is her District partner, Peeta. He could really talk and is rather likeable. He is not a bad looking kid either. The big thing that Peeta does is confess his love for Katniss. Even I am surprised. She all of a sudden looks a little more desirable to me. Katniss may be the spark, but Peeta has to be the fire.

The games are long because my tributes are gone in the first battle. Haymitch still has both victors. I keep an eye on Katniss because something tells me she is going to do something. When her friend from 11 dies, I think almost every victor is in pain except the soulless ones from 1 and 2. Her covering Rue in flowers was beautiful, but it wasn't enough. Finnick was right about the district 2 and 11 boys. Both of them are in there at the end with Katniss, Peeta, and this girl from 5.

The rule change is really what keeps me watching the games. Katniss and Peeta can both make it out and they are the last team too. Peeta has been playing the love angle the entire time and maybe he does love her. Katniss on the other hand only catches on when Haymitch gives her hints. She ends up playing her part, but Peeta is the one that convinces the entire country.

The last day of the games is the most exciting like usual. The gamemakers have brought out a pack of wild dog looking mutts. It is meant to drive the last three together. Peeta nearly gets his leg chewed off and is the one that ends up being choked by the boy from 2. However, Katniss shows her marksmanship when she shoots the boy right where Peeta drew an X on his hand. The end is gruesome and I feel bad for both of the tributes. Katniss ends up showing mercy on the boy from 2 and shoots him in the head. They are winners! Or so we all think. The gamemakers did something truly horrible; they revoked the rule change so that Peeta and Katniss have to kill each other.

"That is ridiculous!" Holly is yelling at the screen.

"Peeta is obviously going to let Katniss kill him" Finnick says and we all look at Haymitch. He grabbed the bottle of whisky from my hands.

Peeta did exactly what Finnick said, but Katniss stopped him. We all look at the screen then. She pulls out those nightlock berries and tells him that she isn't going home without him. The Hunger Games will have two victors or none at all. It is the biggest act of defiance I have seen in a long time. The best part? It works. For the first time ever, there are two victors of the Hunger Games. Unfortunately, Snow knew that all of the victors wanted to meet Katniss and Peeta so he shelled us all away back to our districts. But the damage that she had done could not be undone. Katniss Everdeen had started the rebellion. My hope had been restored.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6: Rebellion, Hope, and Quarter Quells

When we got back to our district, Holly and I saw a difference in the people. They looked ready to fight. Everyone respected me and started talking to me without fear. I was happy to see something starting. Talk of rebellion was just starting when there was a bump in our security. A hundred new Peacekeepers arrived overnight, and the talk began to quiet. It did not stop though.

"I wonder how Finnick is doing. We should give him a call sometime. Maybe there are a few more guests in District 4 as well." Holly says.

"Yeah maybe. He is probably too busy making everyone ogle over him." I joke and we both laugh.

Katniss and Peeta's victor tour arrives in no time. However, it is not much fun for Holly and me because they do not allow us to go to the dinner. We are only permitted to watch the speech from Holly's place. This is good news. They are scared of us. Holly knew this too because she began to do some more risky things. One day, she just started holding my hand when we went to the market. She even kissed me on the cheek. These things don't seem risky but we are two people who have to pretend to not be in love.

"I am going to call Finnick real quick" Holly says one night as I was leaning my head on her about to fall asleep.

"Alright" I say as she gets off the couch and moves towards the phone. She always moves so graceful. That is how she won her games. No one could even hear her coming and she was the scariest person to me when she won. After all, she was a year younger than me, and she had the ability to do things I never thought I did. How much I had judged her before this.

"Hey Fin! How is everything over there?" Holly asks as Finnick answers the phone.

"Oh you know the same old. I am just living everyday one day at a time. Is everything getting a little crowded over there like it is here?" He asks and we both know he is referencing the bump in security.

"Oh yeah, Johanna was just commenting that we can't even go to the square without running into the crowd. I guess everyone is getting all excited for the next Hunger Games." Holly replies.

There is a scream on Finnick's end of the phone. I can tell its Annie. "Yeah, hey Holly, I have to go. I will call you again soon! You two behave over there." He says and hangs up without another word. We understand though. Annie sometimes gets these phantom shadows of her past.

At the end of Katniss and Peeta's victory tour, Peeta purposed to Katniss who said yes. There was going to be an extravagant wedding in the Capitol. Holly and I both rolled our eyes at that. It became obvious to she and I that the victors from 12 were trying to calm the rebellion. It didn't matter what they did though. The fire had already been started. I am surprised it took 74 years in the first place.

"Does Katniss have any idea how lucky she is?" Holly says as the end of the wedding announcement was made.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well first of all, Peeta is madly in love with her and she takes it for granted. She at least gets to show love towards someone besides Capitol freaks." Holly says a little bitterly.

"On the plus side, Seneca is gone." I try to make her feel better.

"Yeah, now I get to entertain Plutarch." She winks. The new head gamemaker is Plutarch and he gets the pleasure of Holly's presence. The only thing is he doesn't force her into anything. Instead he fills her in on a lot of things about District 13. I am just happy that Plutarch is not a freak.

The weeks moved on and Holly and I only got closer. I spent almost every night at her place because it was more of a home than mine. One night, Holly and I were watching the television and they were showing Katniss's dresses with pictures of her in them. No one in the districts believed their wedding crap, but the Capitol people soaked it in like fairy dust. Holly and I were making fun of them by doing oohs and ahhs at certain ones. It was a pretty good time until the Capitol signal came up to show a detailed message.

"I didn't know there was suppose to be a message." I say and sit up from Holly's embrace. Something is giving me an uneasy feeling.

President Snow begins with telling us that he is announcing the new rule for the Quarter Quell. The Quell is something that happens every 25 Hunger Games. The Capitol made some special rule back in the day for each one. Last Quell there were twice as many tributes. That was the year that Haymitch won. I am sure he is drinking right now, and I want to be soon. Before I know it, the President is reading the card for the 75th Hunger Game, "As a reminder, that even the strongest cannot overcome the power of the Capitol. On this, the third Quarter Quell game, the male and female tributes are to be reaped from the existing pool of victors in each district"

Holly and I seem to understand at the same time. One of us is going back in. One of us is going to die. She stands so quickly and the anger in her face scares me for a second. With a great amount of force, she threw her cup of tea at the screen and then was out of the door. I had never seen her like that. It reminds me that we are both killers and both have to be again soon. All of a sudden, I feel like the house is constricting. I have to get out of here. I grab an axe from Holly's collection and walked out towards the closest tree and took my anger out on it.

The President's voice still echoed in my ears. Johanna or I would have to die. We had to go into the Hunger Games again. I stand and am so angry in that moment that I am not even seeing straight. I throw my cup of tea with all the force I can muster at the screen. I don't look back at Johanna because I know I probably scared her. Why does it seem like everything in this world is trying to keep me away from her. Just when I thought that we would be able to go to 13 and live happily.

There was no one in this world here for me except Johanna. She has to make it out if or I have to go in there for her. I am at his door before I know what I am doing. Blight is the only male victor. He is going to need someone right now. I walk in the door without knocking. His house is always pretty dirty. Maybe it is a male thing or maybe he just stays drunk everyday of the year.

"Came to ask me to save your or Johanna's life?" He looks at me and I can tell he has been crying.

"Blight, I will not ask you to save my life. I don't think I deserve to live any more than you do. But you and I both know that if Johanna dies, I have nothing worth living for. Everything I have done over the past four years would have been a waste. If she goes into the arena, will you help me keep her alive?" I ask and I feel so horrible to have to ask. He has no one left, and maybe he considers us his family. I realize I haven't spent enough time with him lately. Soon I might not be spending time with him at all.

"You know I have no reason to live without you girls either. Your love for her, Holly, it is truly beautiful. If she goes to the arena, I will do my best to protect her. And if you go in, there is no way I am letting anyone touch you." He holds out his hand. I almost don't take it because I feel bad. This man is either really drunk or he really cares about Johanna and I.

I stay there and drink for a few hours with him. It seems to loosen the mood. "Well, I better go talk to Johanna. She is probably ready to talk about it." I say and set down the bottle of whiskey. Blight grabs my hand before I can leave.

"Make sure Johanna knows how lucky she is to have you." He says and then lets my hand go. I nod and walk out the door. What did he mean by that? Blight didn't seriously love me did he? I mean I am probably 8 years younger than him if not more. I don't have time to worry about it. I am heading to my backyard with an axe because I can hear her hacking at a tree, and I know exactly who I want to be within this moment.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7: Time is a Funny Thing

After a few hours, I saw Holly walking up to me. I was well on my way to cutting the tree down and I figured I might as well. Holly joined in because she brought an axe with her. I watched her when I could. The thought that I might lose her was almost too much to bear. She has done nothing but loved me the entire time. What have I ever done for her? It took me this long to realize that I love her. She is the only thing that I have left. With one final swing, the tree began to tumble. Holly and I both yell timber at the same time out of habit. It brought a laugh for both of us.

"Jo, we need to talk." She sighs and looks intently at me. I know exactly what she plans on saying.

"If you think for one second that I am going to let you go into the games, you are crazy." I stand in a little more determined fashion.

"I am not crazy. I am younger than you, faster, stronger, and loved by the Capitol. Plus, I am never going to watch you go through that again. Do you have any idea what it did to me the first time?" She was nearly begging me.

"Holly, I am not going to argue. I am going into the arena. You deserve so much better than me. Someone who you know loves you back. No one is going to miss me."

"You don't get it. I don't have a life without you." Before I could even argue back she grabbed me and kissed me. it was fierce at first, as if she had waited forever for this moment. Then she softened and wrapped her arms around me. I had wanted this for some time but feared that Snow would find out and kill Holly. Seeing as he is going to kill one of us anyway, I might as well give into what I want.

We made it back to Holly's in a mix of kissing and moving. She held me close and carried me inside. Our lust was too much. This was going to be a night for love and no regrets.

The next morning, I woke up in Holly's bed. She was sleeping soundlessly next to me. If I could capture her body like this for forever, I would never have to ask for anything again. Holly Wood had enchanted me with her love and beauty. She has made me a better person.

"Good morning, beautiful" She whispers as I catch her eyes.

"Hey, I was thinking. We should start training. Really work on our strength. That way the one who goes into the arena can win and come back to the other." I tell her my idea.

"It wouldn't hurt for both of us to train, but you have to know that if your name is called, I am going to volunteer for you."

"As I will do for you," I reply back. We both have reached a type of stalemate.

"So time passes, and we begin to train harder and get stronger. Holly has an idea to go to this lake we found a few years ago and practice swimming. We are nothing like Finnick, but ever since Annie won by out swimming everyone, we do not put water past the gamemakers. Then something hits me.

"Finnick is going to be in the games and Katniss" I say with a frown.

"Just figured that one out, Jo?" Holly says. I can tell she doesn't like to think about it.

One night while we are just sitting down to eat dinner the phone rings. Holly goes to answer it, and I can hear the conversation that unfolds.

"Oh hey Haymitch. I see you got your phone fixed." She jokes with him.

"Yeah I have needed it recently. Hey Holly, is Johanna with you?" He asks.

"As a matter of fact, she is, and she can hear you so don't say anything you shouldn't." She is trying to keep the mood light. After all, we might have to kill Haymitch soon.

"Holly, I don't know which one of you plans on going into the arena, but we have to get shawarma one last time before you guys do. Oh and have you seen many mockingjays lately?" Haymitch says in a tone that says he is implying something.

"Oh yeah, whenever Johanna sings I can hear them." This is a lie because I hardly ever sing.

"Yeah, I have one around my house that has been bothering me. Thought about killing it but decided that it is just too pure of a creature. Plus, I enjoy the company of the other mockingjays. So the tone deaf bird has to live in order for the others to as well" This doesn't make a lot of sense. I know he is referencing Katniss when he speaks of the tone deaf bird. But keep the other alive. Are there going to be more than one survivor of these games?

"Maybe you should have Katniss shoot the thing down for you." I yell so that he can hear.

He chuckles and tells us good luck at the reaping. This just reminds me that the reaping is soon and now I have a different responsibility. Katniss has to stay alive according to what Haymitch was saying.

Before I knew it, it was the day before the reaping. I had gone into town to buy an extravagant dinner and dresses for Holly and I for reaping day. We were going to die for Katniss but not without looking great. As I was walking to Holly's which I had now become my house as well, I saw a car out front. This isn't good. I walked in and was allowed to go to the living room, but the peacekeepers were outside Holly's study. It did matter that they wouldn't let me pass; I could hear her yelling form here.

"There is no way you are going to stop me from going in there!" It sounded like she was breaking things.

"Ms. Wood, if you go into the arena, I will make sure that she gets killed. Why sacrifice both of your lives. At least she has a chance in the arena."

"No, she has no chance! You and that new gamemaker will make sure that Finnick wins. Wouldn't want to lose one of your precious gold mines." She made a point that I hadn't even thought of.

"Holly, this is my final word. Johanna will go into that arena or otherwise I will make sure she dies slow and painfully after she watches you die in the arena." Snow finishes and walks out of the study towards me.

When he sees me, he smiles and says, "Oh there is out new tribute. Hello, Johanna" So much hatred flows through my veins at that moment. I would have easily punched him. However, he was already walking away and my chance passed. If I live through this, I will slit his throat.

Meanwhile in the study, Holly is throwing so many things that I knew I better wait until she was done to walk in. The noise changes from broken glass to heart shattering sobs. For a moment, I don't know if I can comfort her. Tears were already threatening to overpower me. When I walk in, there was shattered glassware everywhere. I knew these glasses; they had belonged to Holly's parents. She had just shattered the entire lot of them. In the corner, she was sobbing and her hands were all bloody. I just sat next to her and put my arms around her. She was going to have to live without me.

"Well the benefit is we can hate Snow for me going into the arena. At least we don't have the volunteering problem." I tried to lighten the mood.

"The real joke is on him. If you die Johanna, he doesn't have anything to hold against me. I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. I don't care what I have to do, I will avenge you." She says in a determined voice as she got up. She then helps me up and we leave the room. At least I knew someone would avenge me.

Holly and I enjoyed a feast and one last night in our home. No matter how it turns out, I will not be back here for a long time. I have come to realize that either I am going to die or Haymitch plans on getting us to District 13.

"Close your eyes." I tell Holly.

"What are you planning?" She asks reluctantly. She was sitting on the bed waiting for me to join her.

"Please." I say and she obliges. I take off the necklace that she worked so hard to get me. I want to give her something that has meaning to both of us. So, I place it in her hand. She opens her eyes and sees it.

"Jo, I can't take this. You need it while you're in the arena. It is your trinket." She tries to hand it back, but I shake my head.

"Listen, I am not very good at this. If I were to give anyone a piece of my heart, it would be you. So take it. It is the only part of me that I have ever been able to give you."

I had to stop because I didn't want this night to be sad. She kissed me then and the timing could not have been more perfect. We spent the rest of the night forgetting about what tomorrow will bring.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8: The 75th Hunger Games

The reaping was pretty boring. They pulled my name which we knew they would, and Holly didn't volunteer because we knew what would happen if she did. Since Blight was the only male victor alive, it wasn't a surprise to hear his name either. There was no one for me to say good-bye to so Holly and I went straight onto the train. Blight wasn't far behind us.

"Ladies wait up." He says as he tries to catch up with us. "I just wanted to let you know that it has been more than a pleasure to be working with both of you. The love that you two have for each other is worth more than any life in all of District 7." He continues. It was the most he has said to me in months.

"Thanks Blight. Don't give up; maybe one of us can still make it." I say as I pat him on the back. We are walking like we did on my victory tour. No one is going to separate our district. However, something feels a bit off to me. I think that Holly must have talked to Blight and made a deal to keep me alive. It sinks my stomach a little.

The opening ceremonies were just like the year before, Katniss and Peeta blew us all away. It isn't a surprise to me because my stupid stylist has dressed me as a tree again. Blight is the lumberjack. As if she couldn't be painting a bigger picture of us being enemies. It drives me nuts. When we are finally done, I look for Finnick and Holly.

"You look absolutely stunning, Finnick. Do you think they could have taken any more of your clothes off?" I joke as he is wearing nothing but a fish net.

"Wow that is original, Jo. I remember hearing a remark like that from Katniss. I know you don't like her much, but you won't find another girl who is so uncomfortable around naked people. You should try and mess with her if you get the chance." He says with a laugh. Holly walks over then and they begin to talk about whether that outfit would look any good on her. I spot Katniss and Peeta then and decide that now is my chance.

I lightly brush her as we wait for the elevator. Time to get this ridiculous headdress off. I ruffle up my hair and roll my eyes before saying, "Isn't my costume awful? My stylist is the biggest idiot in the Capitol. For forty years she has been dressing us up as trees and lumberjacks. Wish I had gotten Cinna. You look fantastic."

I have already made her uncomfortable. This is going to be so easy I think before she replies, "Yeah he has been helping me with my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet."

Where have I seen velvet before? Aha, "I have. On your tour. That strapless number you wore in District 2? The deep blue one with diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back." I say dramatically. She has a little attitude about her then. I must not be doing a good enough job.

Well, when in doubt, taking off your clothes is always an option. I begin to unzip my dress and let it drop to the floor kicking it away with my foot. I have nothing on but these funny fuzzy slippers. I sigh before saying, "That's better."

I follow them onto the elevator. Peeta looks as if he is going to burst out laughing at any moment. Katniss on the other hand is so pink that I begin to think she is going to pass out. I sneak a wink at Peeta when Katniss is averting her eyes. The elevator dings as we reach my floor.

"Well that was fun. Let's do it again sometime." I walk out and give Katniss one last smile as the doors close. I am laughing all the way to Holly's room.

"What is so funny?" She asks smiling. I am happy she doesn't have to go out at night anymore because my safety is no longer guaranteed.

"I stripped in front of Katniss and Peeta. Her face." I start laughing again and begin to put on more clothes. She laughs with me.

"How about some Champaign?" She says getting off the bed and heading towards the door.

"Yes that sounds great actually." I say and she heads out to go get some. I settle on the bed and close my eyes trying to put Katniss's reaction in my head of good memories. I hear what I assume is Holly re-enter. "Did you get strawberries too?"

"Um, no" my head darts up to Katniss.

"You're not the Champaign" I joke.

"I just wanted to make it clear that I am not pure. I am coming in this to save Peeta and if you try to get in my way, I will kill you. I don't care how pretty you are." She spits. Wow someone is feisty.

"You know, I am not so sure you aren't pure." I say as I was closing the gap between us. "Why don't you prove it to me girl on fire?" I kiss her then and I think she is surprised, but she doesn't stop me. This is surprising to me but I push her onto the bed anyway. I like this way more than I should. She lets out a soft noise before I hear Holly enter.

"I brought enough for three." Holly says and Katniss is five feet away from me in seconds. "Don't worry Katniss, I haven't had a threesome either, but I am up for it." She winks and I love her so much at that moment. She is messing with Katniss too.

"Sorry Holly. See you in training Johanna." Katniss nearly ran out of the room.

We both laugh when she leaves. There is so little humor left in our lives. Katniss is pure. She probably has only had a handful of kisses in her entire life, and now I am one of them.

"Her face was priceless. How on earth did you get her to kiss you?" Holly asks me.

"I am very persuasive." I say with an evil grin as I close in to kiss her.

"Sure you are. I better watch out in the arena." She jokes and pulls me closer. Kissing Katniss was nice, but Holly is something of a new category.

"Like Katniss is anything compared to you." I say and look at her. She is everything I have ever wanted and everything that I have got.

Time moves on and I don't see Katniss much. I guess I like messing with people or I like being naked because I oil my naked body when Peeta suggest we practice wrestling. It is fun, but Katniss is avoiding us with Nuts and Volts. Peeta laughs when I tell him the nicknames.

I spend as much time as possible with Holly, but time is just not on our side. One day, I skip training along with Finnick and Blight to go get shawarma with Haymitch and Holly. It isn't out of the ordinary because we do it every year.

"We need to develop a type of plan." Haymitch says as we settle in the corner of the restaurant. I sure am going to miss this place.

"Keeping the nitwit alive isn't enough" I ask.

"It's more complicated than that. We need to make sure he stays alive too. Because if he dies, there is no way she is going to keep an alliance with anyone. Especially not you two." Haymitch says pointing at Finnick and I.

"What did we do?" Finnick asks with a smirk.

"She doesn't like either of you. The boy on the other hand has better taste. So he has accepted you as allies. Finnick you also have Mags to think about. So, I want you to stay with Mags and 12. Stay together for as long as possible." Haymitch says. I really hope that this place isn't bugged. I am sure Haymitch has a way of checking though.

"Johanna, you have to make sure you stick with Blight, Wiress, and Beetee." Holly says to me.

"What? You're sticking me with Nuts and Volts?" I might as well start carving my own coffin.

"The girl wants them. Plus, Beetee is vital to the plan." Blight chimes in. I can tell he isn't too thrilled either.

"And what is this vital plan." I am annoyed that I am getting the short end of the stick. Everyone knows that Katniss and Finnick are the strongest in the arena. I guess they both have Mags.

"Beetee is going to blow the arena up with some wire. We are going to be waiting to pick you up and take you to 13. The bread we send represents the time and day. District being the day and roll number being the time." Haymitch explains very quickly and I am beginning to realize how impossible this plan is going to be.

"And if Beetee dies?" I ask.

"Then you better figure out a way to blow yourself out of the arena. You cannot let him die. Districts 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, and 11 are all in on this. We have plans to get out you three, 12, and Beetee. The others will be a plus." He replies and I get this feeling that if we aren't around one of the two from District 12, then we aren't getting picked up.

"Well this certainly is a lot to take in. Anything else before I completely lose hope?" I say to lighten the mood.

"Yeah as a matter of fact there is. When the time comes, we need you to pull the tracker out of the girls arm."

"Finally, something I actually think I can do." I joke.

After that, we stop talking about plans and just eat. Finnick and I joke around which is always a fun time. I am very thankful he and I don't have to worry about killing each other. He really is the closest thing to my best friend. Besides Holly I mean.

"Will you be there?" I ask Holly in a whisper.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." She replies. I was so trapped in her smile that I didn't notice the rest of our party getting quiet.

"Another night in your room, Ms. Mason." He says behind me.

"Yes, I only have a few nights left with her. Might as well enjoy it." I say back without bothering to look at him.

"Ah well everyone has their own appetite. Speaking of, do you mind if I join you all for some shawarma. I am trying to see what the hype of the food is." Snow says politely.

Of course we all mind. This is our sanctuary away from all the Capitol bull and President Snow is part of that package. Nevertheless, we all remark that we do not mind and make room for him at the table. He picks a sear between Holly and Finnick which makes me laugh inside. His two precious gold mines as Holly put it.

"I noticed this shawarma is a type of tradition for you victors. I am sorry some of you won't get the opportunity to come again." He shakes his head as if he were actually apologetic. Of course, he is only referencing Blight and I.

"Just because we won't be here doesn't mean it still won't be a tradition for other victors." I say trying to play his stupid game.

"Oh I am sure you victors will all still be friends after these games. I mean if Finnick kills you, I am sure Holly will be able to forgive him. Or Haymitch, you won't be bringing back two victors this time," Snow smiles.

"We get it Mr. President. Can we lighten the subject?" Holly growls. It is the rudest thing she has ever said to him.

"No problem, Ms. Wood. How about a toast?" He says as he holds out his wine glass for everyone to join. We all oblige. "To life and the life that we so happily live, in the districts, and in the Capitol. Finally to the 75th Hunger Games."

We cheer and I notice Holly and Haymitch both finished their wine in one shot. Snow must have more of an effect on them. Of course, if I had to sit next to him like Holly, I would be drinking more too. His smell is making me nauseous so Holly and I excuse ourselves with a sorry look at the others. However, Snow seems determined to follow us. This really annoys me.

"Can we help you?" I ask as he follows us out. His two body guards follow just behind him.

"What? I am just making sure you make it back to the training center."

"I know the way. You should enjoy your shawarma, sir" Holly says politely.

He still insists on going with us so we don't say much on the way back. I realize that saving Katniss is even more important now. Snow is never going to let Holly and I live our lives. Without Katniss and the rebellion she represents, I can never be with Holly.

Holly points something on a billboard out to me and I laugh and feign interest. In the back of my mind, I make my plan on how to get Katniss out. This is going to be the most interesting Hunger Games yet.

On the night of the interviews, all of the victors seem determined to get the games cancelled. We all are planning it out when Katniss comes out in one of those wedding dresses. Anger is my first thought. This girl is wearing a Capitol made dress and I am going to save the idiot who it clothes. However, she tells everyone Snow forced her to wear it. All of a sudden, I feel bad for her. She is like Holly, forced to abide by the Capitol rule to save the ones she loves. I walk over to her and straighten the beautiful pearl necklace she is wearing.

"Make him pay for it." I say with as much ferocity as I can muster.

My interview is a lot like everyone else. Except I choose a more straight forward approach.

"Johanna, I see some anger behind that face." Caesar prompts.

I scoff before saying, "I am angry. I won the Hunger Games. I am suppose to be safe. Now I have to go back? Well F*** that and F*** all of you that had anything to do with it."

The buzzer goes off and I walk away. The crowd seems to be a little more riled up by my comment which makes me happy. Everyone else goes by pretty quickly without much notice. Especially because Katniss comes out and makes the entire Capitol go into hysterics. She begins to twirl again which brings an eye roll. However, this time while she twirls her dress begins to change. She is turning black and her sleeves turn into some kind of wings. It clicks. She is the Mockingjay. The hope that everyone needs. I wanted to cheer in that moment but knew I had to pretend to kill her soon.

If Katniss had out shown us all (which she did), Peeta made us all but forgettable. He told the crowd about Katniss and he getting secretly married which was probably a lie. Then he dropped the bomb. Katniss was pregnant which a lie was for sure. I wanted to laugh aloud but kept my composure. The crowd on the other hand, was wailing and yelling for a cancellation of the games. Maybe this would work.

We all stood up and I noticed to the left of me that Katniss moved to hold Chaff's stub where is hand would be. I did not hesitate to take Blight's hand and the morphling man from 6 was not a problem either. This was too much of a unity for the Capitol. They shut off the lights and panic ensued. I found Finnick because I knew that they wouldn't hurt him. We moved our way to the elevators. With luck, Katniss and Peeta were in one by themselves. However, two peacekeepers got in our way which pissed me off.

"What the hell? Now I can't ride the elevator when I want?" I yelled at the Peacekeeper. They just ignored me. Holly cane out of the next one. Relief struck her face when she saw me. Finnick and I joined her in the elevator.

"What happened?" Finnick asks.

"Snow cut the feed when you all gathered hands. He wanted to create confusion so that everyone would forget as much about the interviews as possible. The sad thing is, these Capitol folk probably will forget. Don't expect them to cancel them although it was a good effort." Holly finishes and takes my hand. Tomorrow is very possibly the last day of my life.

We let Finnick off at the fourth floor. Holly gives him a hug and a light kiss on the cheek. I realize then how close they actually are. Poor Holly, she has to watch everyone she cares about die soon. I give Finnick a wink and tell him to meet up with me in the arena for some lunch. He chuckles and the doors close.

"Holly, if I don't make it out of the arena." I begin. We were back in her room and it had been quiet between us. I was starting to get that nervous feeling in my gut.

"Jo, please stop. You will win. Team up with Finnick, and we will be together before we know it. I will be there in the crowd. I promise." She was tell me that the plan would work. But I still feel like something has to go wrong.

I allow her to think she soothes me and she begins to kiss my neck. Apparently, she is going to give me more reasons to remember her. However, I stop her with a look. "What?" She says when she kisses my stomach.

"You don't have to tonight." I say because I feel bad I cannot return the favor. She must be reading my mind because she rolls her eyes and continues her mission. It feels too good to stop her. Instead I find myself moving with her. I am done quickly and the relief feels so relaxing. She must have known the effect it would have on me because I am very sleepy all of a sudden.

"Thank you." I say toughing her beautiful face. She smiled at the touch.

"I love you, Johanna Mason." She confessed. I had known this for a couple of years now, but this was the first time she had said it out loud.

"I love you too." I say and give her a kiss. We fall asleep in each others arms.

Author's Note:

Hey so I tried to stay as close to the book as possible. So some of this text may sound similar. I do not own the Hunger Games. Just thought that I would repeat that. Review if you like or if you don't like. I should be able to write a little more tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9: Alone

Holly shakes me lightly awake. I feel well rested which is just what I needed. All of this is thanks to the girl showering with me. She has given me the most important thing, peace. We are quiet as we get ready for the transportation. What really can we say?

"Remember you alliance with Wiress and Beetee. Blight will get Wiress if you worry about Beetee." She is giving me tactical advice. I know all of this, but it is better than the silence.

When we get to the drop off area, I am overcome with anxiety. These people are all killers like me. How are we all going to keep each other alive without suspicion? Everyone is already going to be suspicious of me wanting Nuts and Volts. Haymitch better know what he is doing."

"I didn't say bye to Haymitch." I frown a little. What a great plan he has made for me, and he didn't even say bye. That bastard.

"He stopped by earlier this morning, but you were sleeping so well. I didn't want to wake you. He sends you his best and reminded you about the ultimatum Katniss had." She says and I know she means Wiress and Beetee.

"Oh good, I was about to think ill of him before I die. I laugh. Of course, it isn't funny but I laugh still.

Holly pulls out the outfit I will be wearing in the arena. There is nothing to the damn thing. It is like a water suit with a big belt. Then I realize that we will probably be in an all water arena. Well lucky Finnick.

"You've put it together as well. At least we practiced over the past few months." She says to me with a smile. She coaxes three glasses of water into me and a miniscule amount of breakfast. I know I will need it, but I am not all that hungry.

The girl is calling for the one minute mark. I finish my last glass of the cold water and move with Holly towards the capsule. I give her a hug and whisper my love for her. She tells me it back. We kiss then and it is as passionate as I can remember. I will think of this lips as my last though. The lady calls for 10 seconds and Holly parts from me with tears in her eyes.

"Hey, no tears. I will be seeing you soon." I smile as the tunnel encases me and I take a last look at her before the arena gets ready to bring me up.

Humidity is the first thing I feel. I already want more of that ice cold water to bathe myself in. then I see the water all around me. There is no way to get to the Cornucopia without swimming. It is going to be easy picking tributes off who can't swim. Katniss is lucky that Finnick is her ally. My minute is almost up so up get myself ready to go after Beetee. He is about 4 to my right. The horn goes and I dive. There are only a few who five in with me. Hm I wonder if the water is poisoned or if there are some foul creatures. Well, I guess they wouldn't make the games that boring. I reach Beetee and he seems to realize that I am the one to come save him.

"Am I to understand that we are to be allies?" He asks.

"For as long as Katniss wants you, you're my trade." I say to play the part. I am pulling him in and he seems to be really scared. Hopefully he doesn't pull us both under.

When I finally get him into the water, I realize something about the belts. They are a floatation device. We get to the edge of a wedge and head towards the Cornucopia. I can see Finnick, Mags, Katniss and Peeta heading towards the forest. I gather some knives, and two axes one for Blight and one for me.

"Come on Beetee, they are almost on top of us." I yell but he is in the Cornucopia dragging a huge ball of wire. I see her throw the knife at him and there isn't much I can do. It is some girl from 5. I throw one of my own knives and hit her right in the head. I then am dragging Beetee and that stupid coil away from the Cornucopia. Luckily I make it to where Blight and Wiress are waiting. I hand him the extra axe and we head a little into the jungle before taking care of Beetee.

"What happened?" Blight asks accusingly.

"I grabbed a few weapons and he decided he really needed this dumb coil." I say defensively. I look at his cut. It isn't as bad as it could have been. He must have ducked out of the way.

"Beetee! Are you okay?" Wiress asks as she seems to have come out of the dream state she was in.

"I am fine, Wiress. I just need some water." Beetee answers.

"Don't we all. Maybe there is some up the hill." Blight says. I can tell he wants to move.

"Here Beetee, put this over your cut and take this stick. Walk as long as you can and then Blight and I will take turns carrying you." I say as I hand him a walking stick and some moss. I had already messed up on my first task in the arena. If Beetee doesn't slow down on the bleeding, he might not survive the night.

The walking works for quite a while until we all get too hot to move. I figure the battle at the Cornucopia is over when the cannons start. So much for holding hands I say to myself. Since we are all hot, hungry, and thirsty, I decide it's time for a break. I start climbing a tree to see how big this arena is and see where water is. To my dispare, the arena is a dense forest with what looks like only the salt water in the middle. One the plus side, it was a little cooler up there. In the middle, the Cornucopia is surrounded by blood which just makes me want to go back down.

"What did you see?" Blight asks.

"A whole lot of jungle and the salt water they dropped us off in." I say and slowly wish for some water.

"Well how are we suppose to get water?"Beetee asks.

I don't know and I don't know how to answer. Instead I just lie down and look up at the forest. Why would they put us in something so hot? I feel trapped and start to breathe harder. Holly, where is the water?

As if answering my prayer, the parachute comes down with four bottles of water. Holly puts a little note in that tells us to find Katniss. I roll my eyes and hand out the water bottles. They are relatively cold which is nice.

"Ah, thank you very much Holly." Blight says as he takes a swig of the water. Our moods lighten a little and we make it a little further up the hill until Beetee has to stop.

"Let's call it a night." I say as I am exhausted too.

We settle in and I offer to take the first watch. I got such a good sleep the night before. No one is going to come hunt us. As long as Finnick is still with Katniss and Peeta, they won't hurt us. So we are safe, but I still watch. The anthem plays and a lot of people are gone, but a lot are still around. The other four that I care about are still kicking as well as Chaff. Around what I would say is midnight, lightening strikes this tree. I count 12 times. Who knows what that means.

"Amazing how that tree is not burning." Beetee says and I see the wheels turning in his head.

"What does it mean?" Blight asks as he was woken up from the strikes.

"I am not sure. Do you mind taking watch?" I ask as I go to fall asleep. I am out in seconds.

"Johanna, wake up!" Blight is yelling and I can't see him or anything. I can barely breathe. Is it hot water?

We are yelling and running before we know it. What I first mistook as rain is actually blood. It is sticky and thick in my mouth. Beetee is behind me and trying to yell something at me, but I can't hear him. Blight must have though because recognition hits his face as I am moving forward. I feel him yank me back, and I hit the ground rough. Before I can be mad at him though, he falls forward near where I was and gets blown back by a force field.

I am yelling and trying to see if he is breathing. The rain is slowing down and I can hear his cannon loud and clear. I don't want to cry so I drag Beetee and a now crazed Wiress away from Blight. The man who just saved my life gets pulled away by the Capitol hovercraft. I am ready to kill someone and Wiress is not helping.

"Tick, Tock! Nuts is in shock!" She is yelling.

"What is wrong with her Beetee?"

"She is trying to tell us something, but I don't know." He says. He is stumbling from fatigue. I am beyond hungry, but I know how to deal with hunger. Right now, I need to get us out of this messed up jungle.

"Why would they shower us with blood?"

They don't answer, but I don't expect them to. I am carrying Beetee who has passed out, and Wiress is muttering behind us. I think about Holly and try to be strong for her. However, in this musty wetland, I have never felt so alone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10: Allies

Finally we make it back to the beach. I don't give a crap about people attacking me. This blood has got to come off. Let someone kill Wiress and Beetee too. I don't care anymore. The water is nice, and I automatically begin to get the blood off. Someone calls my name, and I look over to see a weird looking Finnick running to me. There was a huge smile on his face. I smile too because it is great to see someone sane. He embraces me while Katniss and Peeta come meekly behind him.

I relay what happened to them really quick. Blight's death was not something I wanted to talk about. I noticed Mags didn't make it out but didn't mention it. Nuts clings on to me and talks her gibberish. I have had enough.

"Just stay down." I growl as I shove her to the ground.

"Hey lay off of her." Katniss yells at me.

My eyes widen in anger and I slap her across the face. I then proceed to yell, "I got them out for you!" Finnick intervened and drug me into the water while I was yelling foul words at the girl. Who the hell does she think she is? She has no idea how horrible of a night I just had. Finnick just continues to dunk me and remind me that we have to be friends with Katniss even if she is a little hard to swallow. After a few more dunks, I just growled and he stopped.

When everything calmed down, I found out that they had water, and Finnick could get fish. So we gorged ourselves and then took turns on shifts. I didn't put it past Katniss to slit my throat while Finnick and I slept so I stayed up while Finnick, Peeta, Wiress, and Beetee slept. When Finnick was asleep, I looked at Katniss and asked about Mags. I couldn't help but blame her. Even though I knew who really was to blame.

"She was Finnick's mentor, you know. Practically his only family." I say.

"I didn't know that." She replies. Then she asks if I am ok with the whole Blight thing.

"Yeah, we all can't make it out I guess." I shrug trying to roll it off. Then Nuts wakes up again and starts her "Tick-Tock". "Ugh, you have fun with Nuts. I am going to get some sleep." I was confident enough to know she at least would have the nerve to wake me before she killed me.

"Guys wake up! I figured out what is going on in the arena! Well Wiress did. The arena is a clock. 'Tick-Tock'" Katniss is yelling in excitement. Wiress seems to agree and is relieved.

Katniss goes on to explain the wedges and it all makes sense. We start waking everyone up and Beetee asks for his wire.

"Oh I know what he wants." I say impatiently and explain that is why he got a knife in the back. Peeta remarks something I already know and Katniss makes a snide remark.

"Seems like you'd of figured that out. Since you nicknamed him Volts and all."

She is so annoying. My eyes narrow before I reply, "Yeah that was really stupid of me wasn't it? I guess I must have been distracted by keeping your little friends alive. While you were what, again? Getting Mags killed off?" I am nearly shouting. Katniss puts her fingers around her knife. It just fuels me more. "Go ahead and try it. I don't care if you are knocked up. I'll rip your throat out." I spit as I made a reference to her fake baby.

Finnick steps between us and says something witty with a warning look at Katniss. Good he is mad at her. He then suggests that we stop by the Cornucopia. This is fine by me seeing as I haven't got a weapon anymore. While everyone talks, I chime in occasionally, but I wonder what Holly is doing. Probably watching and she must be getting restless. Only 12 of us left and all. I look around and find an array of axes which makes me happy. To show off, I throw one for Katniss. She seems impressed enough. I am a little hurt that there has been no reference of our kiss the other night, but I assume it is because she is performing for the cameras.

I notice it just a second after Katniss. Her arrow has killed Gloss, and I throw an axe into Cashmere. Finnick saves Peeta, but not before Enobaria has stabbed his thigh. I am hot on Katniss's tail just as ready to kill them as her. However, the gamemakers must be pissed at us because they begin to twirl the island we are on. Katniss and I fall immediately. I manage to get an axe to stick into the ground and have my other hand on Katniss. However, I can feel her slipping. She is the most important part of this rebellion. Nevertheless, I can't hold on, and she goes flying into the water. The spinning stops almost right away and Katniss pops out of the water in front of me. I am the first to get to her side, but Peeta is the one to make sure she is alright.

Now everyone has lost their district partner in our alliance except for 12. Haymitch better be proud. We kept his two puny victors alive. The more I look at them the more I am surprised they ever survived the Hunger Games. It is because they both refused to play by the Capitol's rules. It is what made them so unique. Everyone has gone silent with the idea of the entire situation.

"Let's get off this stinking island." I say to break the ice.

We all have a debate on which way to go because the Cornucopia has got us all messed up. Katniss starts to get down on herself, and I just make a comment that actually makes her feel better. I lead them some way because I need some water. Peeta offers to tap a tree but Finnick says he will go but Katniss should be his guard. For one, Finnick is hurt and I am now in charge of protecting Peeta, and for another, Katniss and I will probably kill each other. Brainless seems the think it is a trick, but she follows Finnick either way.

Everything happens too quickly for Peeta and I to react. Katniss is running into the woods yelling her sister's name. After that, Finnick follows because he hears Annie's screams. I know it's a trick, but I do hear Holly screaming in there. I am about to head towards them all when they go silent. A wall shows up in between where Peeta and I are and where Katniss and Finnick are. They come back into view, and we try to warn them, but they run right into the wall. The hour is complete hell for them and poor Finnick has his ears covered. He is nearly in tears.

When the hour is finally over, Peeta comforts Katniss while I go over to Finnick. Beetee does the best job though when he says they manipulated the voices. It makes me feel better too. I all of a sudden get a burst of confidence.

"The whole country adores Katniss's little sister. If they killed her, they'd have an uprising on their hands. Wouldn't want that would they? The whole country in an uprising. Hey Snow. How about we set your back yard on fire?" I yell to no one. Katniss is in awe.

I go to get water and she tries to stop me. I make a remark about no one left that I love. After my last outburst, I have to protect Holly. Hopefully she knows I am acting. Everything calms down as we go swim and get food and water.

"Who is Annie?" Katniss asks me as we are sitting on the beach. Finnick has decided to sit alone and let the waves crash on him.

"Annie Cresta. She won the games a few years back. Went a little crazy"

"Oh yeah, I remember. She won her games by out swimming all the other tributes." Katniss recalls.

I nod and we both look over at Finnick. I sneak a peek at Katniss to before saying, "Love is weird." I wanted to see her reaction, but she doesn't seem to care. Instead she just nods.

We later figure out that there are only 8 of us left. The two from district 2, Chaff and us five. I am happy that Chaff is still around because I really like the man. As we are just thinking of plans, the first basket of rolls appear. We look intently at them. District 3 and there are 24. So they are picking us up on the third day at midnight. That is so soon. How are we going to establish the plan by then?

Finnick asks how we should divide the rolls and I reply, "Let's each have three, and whoever is still alive at breakfast can take a vote on the rest." Katniss laughs and I look at her pleased. It is something Holly and I would have laughed about.

More rolls arrive the next morning. I know what they mean and Beetee better get his act together. They are coming for us tonight. We make out a plan which is overly complicated and confusing. It has to do with the lightening tree which is not a real tree. We gorge ourselves and I talk to Finnick about Katniss and Peeta planning on leaving us.

"They will do it as soon as the careers are gone. Katniss is getting restless." I say and he nods in agreement. We both know we have to keep Beetee alive which is going to be hard if they break the alliance.

"I will tip off Beetee that he should split us up. You will go with Katniss and I will take out Peeta and Beetee." Finnick replies. I of course know his real intentions but I let that go unnoticed.

We follow Beetee up the slope and make it to the tree. The time is getting closer now. I have to cut Katniss's tracker off before they can get to us. However, I have to wait or Peeta will surely kill me. There is a little convincing that has to be done to split the two love birds apart. So, they seem to want the others dead more than us. In the end, Katniss and I are walking down the kill with the coil in Katniss's hand.

"We should speed up. I want to put as much distance between me and that beach as possible. What about you girl on fire? Do you play with electricity?" I give her a slight wink. She laughs and just replies with a shake of her head.

However, the moment of humor that we had was gone when the wire gets cut some feet in front of us. I know that this is my cue and that it is now or never. I take the coil that Katniss had handed me and bash it as hard as I can against her head. After I had done it, I realized it may have been a little too hard. But how else was I suppose to get arrow queen down without her putting up a fight. I use my knife to dig the tracker out of her arm. No wonder they chose me to do this; it is a pretty gruesome task and Katniss is making a lot of noise. The look of betrayal on her face almost makes me feel bad. I finally get the damn thing out of her and wrap my hands around her throat and tell her to stay down. I smash the tracker before leading Brutus and Enobaria out away from her.

They both seem to give up on Katniss because they are coming full force at me. Hopefully I didn't cut her too bad, but either way it had to be done. Maybe the Capitol will think that I was trying to kill her. The plan is getting all messed up and I can tell. Whatever Beetee had planned with that wire, he better improvise. Brutus orders Enobaria after Finnick who I can hear crashing through the jungle behind us. I am barely making it away from all of them when I run into Peeta who is yelling for Katniss.

"Shut up would you?" I demand.

"Where is she?" He says with fear in his eyes. However, I do not have time to answer because Brutus is attacking us and I have to protect us both because Peeta is an incompetent fighter.

We are getting beat and Brutus hit me nice and hard across the head with his elbow. I could not have expected what came next. Chaff moved out from some trees and yelled, "Hey you big bully." I had never seen Chaff look so evil. It was scary, but he was protecting Peeta and I. Brutus is just too strong and he has better weapons. In the end, I have to watch my friend get murdered. BOOM.

Peeta and I both go in for the revenge. Maybe Peeta isn't all that bad. He must have known how much Chaff meant to Haymitch. He ends up slicing Brutus's throat in a very grotesque fashion. BOOM. Katniss is yelling for Peeta, and I am surprised it sounds like she made it all the way to the lightening tree. Peeta yells back and begins to run in the direction of her call. I follow him because I know that they are going to get Katniss out. Plus, they wouldn't leave Peeta. He is the voice of the rebellion just as much as Katniss is the symbol.

The crashing of the arena brings everyone on their backs. I manage to get up and help Peeta up as we continue our mission. Between booms of the arena, Peeta and I make our way up the hill. I trip over a body and see that it is Enobaria. Peeta is about to stop.

"Leave her!" I command because she was never part of the package deal.

We are almost to the tree and the hovercraft is pulling three bodies up. I assume they are Katniss, Finnick, and Beetee. They are not dropping any other ropes, and maybe they can't see us.

"Hey over here!" I am out in the open and jumping up and down. However, they still don't drop the ropes. Instead they start going away. I am screaming every obscene word I can think of. Why did they leave us? I did everything right. I was waiting with Peeta.

I barely noticed the other hovercraft that had come because I was still screaming at the one that had left me. They shoot me with something that is meant to knock me out, but my adrenaline is keeping me fighting. "Holly!" is the last thing I yell before passing out.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 11: Fighting in 13

Authors note: This chapter is going to be in Holly's point of view. I think it is nice to add some variation to stories. It gets a little boring just writing in Johanna's point of view because you have to restrict it to where Johanna is. Next chapter is the start to Johanna's torture. So keep reading!

We are finally on our way to the arena. Through it all, Johanna has made it. Of course, I have Blight to thank for that. He held up on his promise, and whenever I think about him I get an empty feeling in my stomach. However, my heart right now is swelling with excitement. Watching Johanna go through the Hunger Games again has been horrible. I would find myself yelling at the screen and spending money just to get her water. Nevertheless, it is almost over. She is almost here with me.

"The plan is getting all messed up." Haymitch says in an angry mood.

"Why?"

"Brutus and Enobaria cut the wire. Johanna cut out the tracker like she was suppose to, but Katniss is not where she is suppose to be. Beetee missed the force field and is passed out. Peeta and Finnick are running in opposite directions to find the girls. Why is everyone splitting up? No one is following the plan!" Haymitch is yelling and he moved away from the screen.

"Oh, Chaff was just killed by Brutus." I say will a sad look at Haymitch.

"Hm and Peeta just killed Brutus. It's almost midnight. If no one wakes Beetee or figures out what he was going to do, we are all dead." Haymitch sat back down.

I am getting anxious because none of this looks promising. However, right at midnight, an arrow is shot through the chink in the force field. Only Katniss could have shot it. Everyone in the hovercraft is cheering.

"We found Finnick, Beetee, and Katniss." Someone from the front says.

"Bring them up. What about Johanna and Peeta?" Haymitch says as he is looking at more of the logistics.

"There is no way we will reach them, Haymitch." Plutarch says.

"The hell you won't. We had a deal." I stand up in anger.

"Holly, there is a hovercraft seconds behind us. We have no time." He tries to persuade.

"We have to get her out! She is the one who knows the most! They will kill her." I am yelling because they have brought Finnick, Katniss, and Beetee up, and I can see Johanna jumping and yelling for us on the screen. But we are leaving her behind.

I am slamming things and trying to work my way up to the front. We can't leave her. I made her a promise. Haymitch is looking at me in a way that makes me want to slap him. He cares more about Peeta than Katniss. Why is he leaving him behind? He comes over to try and comfort me.

"Get off me. You bastards." I am throwing things at Plutarch and Haymitch now. They knew I would never have agreed to this stupid mission if I would have known that they were going to leave Johanna. Someone comes from behind and sticks a needle in my arm.

"Johanna! I am so sorry." I cry out before the meds take me.

I wake up in a hospital bed in what I can only assume is District 13. How could they do this to me? Might as well have left me in the arena as well. I look over and see Katniss next to me. They have her attached to all sorts of machines. She has her eyes open though.

"Hey Katniss." I say hoarsely. How long did they knock me out?

"What do you want Holly?" She says and I can tell she isn't in a good mood.

"Where are we and what is happening?" I ask.

"District 13. They are real. Of course you know that already. It was only a secret for me and…" She can't finish the sentence.

"You know Johanna is going to get killed for what she knows. At least Peeta won't get killed." I say a little bitterly.

"How do you know? Plus, maybe it serves you right. I mean why didn't you get Peeta and Johanna instead?" Is she really mad at me for not getting them?

"Believe me Katniss. I very much would have rather got them out. But does that make you feel any better? It certainly doesn't make me feel better. Everyone gets hurt either way. The problem is: we had a choice and they chose you. Johanna isn't stupid. She stuck close to Peeta because she knew that he was the voice of the rebellion. The most you have ever done is played along and pulled out some berries." I growl. For some reason, she really annoys me.

"Well, apparently District 13 thinks that I am more important." She spits back. I can tell she is being defiant about the rebellion. Good for her.

"Yeah too bad huh?" I joke and begin to get out of bed.

"Where are you going?" She asks.

"I am going to get Johanna." I say and begin to walk out of the hospital.

"Holly," Katniss says and I stop. "I hope they don't kill Johanna, for your sake."

"Thanks Katniss." I say and I am out of the door.

District 13 turns out to be completely underground and is a type of maze. How hard could it be to find the head office? I run into some guards who must recognize me because they try to get me back to the hospital. I tell them that I am not going anywhere until I speak to the President. They don't really know what to say to me. Maybe they aren't sure if I have more authority over them.

"Let her go, soldiers. I will follow her." A man says behind me. He is tall and dark skinned. I am not really sure what to think about him, but I am sure he is someone of authority because the guards let me go. The man leads the way, and I just follow.

"My name is Boggs. I work under President Coin. She has been waiting to see you." Boggs says to me.

"I am sure you already know who I am, but I am Holly Wood." I say as we make it to the head office.

"What can I do for you Ms. Wood?" Coin asks without looking up from what she is doing. Coin is an odd looking woman. She has long silver hair and reminds me of someone who likes to be in charge. I don't particularly like her, but I need to get what I want.

"I want to save Johanna and Peeta from the Capitol." I say bluntly.

"And how do you purpose we do that?" She looked up at me.

"I am sorry, we haven't formally met. I am Holly Wood." I say and hold out my hand for her to shake. She does and holds it for an abnormally long time. These District 13 people are weird.

"Alma Coin."

"I am sure we can find a way to get them. I mean we found a way to save the Mockingjay. We might as well go after her wings. Johanna would just be an added feature." I remark. They can't really think that Katniss will cooperate.

"Katniss is very capable of flying herself. Don't pretend that we all don't know what Johanna means to you." She says with an attitude.

"Alright, I love the girl. Why can't I go and save her?" I retort with a little more anger in my voice.

"It doesn't make any sense for you to go on a rescue mission. We cannot afford the man power and for all we know, they both could be dead. Believe me when I say that Johanna and Peeta would have been better to grab from the arena. However, if you really want to help, join the army and convince Katniss to become the Mockingjay." She finishes.

"And how is that going to save Johanna?" I growl.

"Holly, Johanna is dead. She knows too much about the rebellion. Why don't you avenge her death to make sure that it is never forgotten?"

"She didn't have to die. We were supposed to get her out." I was slamming my hands on the table. Someone is coming towards me but I relax.

"I am sorry for your loss. I can make you a deal though. If you do as I just instructed, I will allow you to go on the mission that saves them if it is ever necessary." Coin says. So she is the making deal kind of person.

"Alright," I reply.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have another meeting to attend." She had Boggs usher me out.

I don't know where else to go so I head back to the hospital. Maybe Katniss will be up so we can talk. However, the first person I run into when I walk through the doors is a dazed Finnick. "Hey Finnick." I say. It takes a second before he notices me.

"Oh hey Holly. I am so sorry about Johanna. She and I should have stuck together. Now they have her, Peeta, and Annie." He is nearly crying when he says the last name. This is news to me. Why didn't District 13 make sure that Annie was taken care of? Why didn't they put me in charge of her?

"It's not your fault Finnick. Annie will be alright. You just have to make sure it doesn't get to you." I say and give his shoulder a little pat. I want to cry though because now Finnick, Katniss, and I have all been stuck in the same situation.

"He will use her against me. I can't have her hurt." He starts to cry and walks away embarrassed. I truly empathize with Finnick. After all, he and I know the gruesome truths of the Capitol.

With luck, Katniss is still awake when I get to her bed. However, she seems to also be in a type of daze like Finnick. It takes me quite a while just to get her to look at me.

"You look like someone just stole your ice cream." I try to joke. Truthfully, I don't really know what to say to the girl. She and I are only a few years apart, but she hasn't suffered nearly as much as the rest of us. She is still so pure.

"Snow destroyed my entire district." She looks back in anger. Well maybe she isn't so pure now. The look she is giving me is one of pure anger.

"I am sorry Katniss. Did you family make it out?" If her sister died, there is no way they are going to get Katniss to do anything ever.

"Yeah, Gale made sure of that. But, a lot of families didn't. It's all my fault. I should never have pierced that arrow through the arena." She says as she looks on the verge of tears.

"And where would that have gotten any of us? I would still be working for the Capitol, you would have been dead, and the Hunger Games would have continued. Yeah Peeta and Johanna are captives, but if you would not have broken the arena, everyone would have killed each other. If you had killed Johanna, I would have had a hard time not killing you." I say.

"She nearly killed me." She shows me her bandaged sleeve. I saw the footage. Johanna did cut her pretty bad.

"That was just part of her orders. She didn't mean to kill you. Nevertheless, my friends are still alive because of you even if they are not with me."

"How are you so confident that they are still alive?" Katniss asks.

"You were the only one who committed a crime. Johanna looked like she had tried to kill you. Peeta had just killed Brutus before the arena had exploded. They have no reason to kill them." I do not want to tell her that the Capitol will use them against us. She is too fragile right now anyway.

She just nods. "Katniss, I had all but given up hope before you came along. You have given everyone hope, whether you intended to or not. The fire has already been set. Now we just have to keep it going." I am trying to tell her that she should become the Mockingjay, but I am not sure my words sink in.

"You look like you want to ask me something." She states as I didn't notice she was looking at me.

"Well, I don't have anyone here in 13, but I don't want to stay alone. Could we maybe get a compartment?" I ask with a hope that she won't reject me. I mean I have only said a few things to the girl and now I want to room with her. After what Coin said, I figured I might as well get to know her and convince her to become the Mockingjay.

"I guess, I don't see why not. I have to get better first. And it has to be by my family." She replies, and I can't help but smile.

"Thanks Katniss. I will be a good roommate. I promise." I say and give her a hug and kiss on the forehead. I can tell she is already regretting rooming with me, but I let out a light laugh as her hunky "cousin" comes into the hospital and I exit. I am going to start training so that I can keep up my end of the deal with Coin.

"I am coming to get you, Jo" I say to myself before heading to training. I have never felt so far from her in my entire life.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 12: Torment

I open my eyes to light. Damn it is bright in here. Everything is white which just allows the florescent bulbs to give everything a glow. There is someone to my right. Oh it's Peeta. He is still unconscious but seems unharmed. To my left is Annie. How did she get here? Why didn't they take her to 13? Why am I not in 13? Holly left me. They all left me.

My captors have me bound in shackles that attach to the wall. The contraption is nothing like I have ever seen before. Plenty of people were chained in District 7 but not this tight. I can barely move my fingers. They have stripped all of us down to undergarments which also match the white of the room. I am trying to figure out exactly where I am when I hear a noise outside.

Someone in all black makes his way into the room. He looks very out of place in this white prison. I am already annoyed at him though because he has an amused look on his face. My eyes are just adjusting and I manage to look all around. It is just a square with a lot of shackles and in the center is a indented circle that has a drain in the middle. So this is the Capitol torture center. I wonder if they plan on making me an Avox. Well I guess they need me to talk so why would they.

"Welcome, Johanna. You're the first to wake up. Are you ready to cooperate?"The man in front of me asks.

"Who the hell are you?" I ask without really caring.

"I am Dr. Arillius. I will be housing you and the others. Can I trust you will behave?" He is speaking to me like I am five. I spit in his face. His reaction brings a smile to my face.

"I guess not. Ah well we will train you." He wipes his face with a handkerchief as he presses a button. Two huge guards walk in with what I guess I would call equipment. One of them bashes me so hard in the stomach with the club that the wind is knocked out of me.

While I am trying to get oxygen again, they unbolt me from the wall. My hands automatically go to my stomach but only temporarily. I will not give them the satisfaction. I am stronger than that. Johanna Mason doesn't go down without a fight.

"When you do not behave, Johanna, we punish you." Arillius says and commands his mutts to do his work.

One of them tries to hit me again, but I stop his swing and give him a nice left hook in the face. He staggers back and I manage a laugh. These guards are pretty dumb. However, there are two of them, and they are so much stronger than me. The other guard manages to get behind me and slams his club into my back. I fall down in pain, and then they both just continue to beat on me. I am just a punching bag for them. I am crying out in pain as one particular hit breaks the skin. I see that Peeta and Annie have woken up. I really didn't want them to see me like this. The particularly brutal guard kicks me one more time and I begin to cough up blood. I am not sure how much more I can take.

"Stop! Why are you doing that?" Peeta is yelling, "You're going to kill her!"

I was thankful for his concern, but this was a test, and I needed to be strong. I held out a hand to tell Peeta that I was fine and got up off the floor. However, it only took one blow to my head and I was knocked back down and passed out…

"That's enough." Dr. Arillius says. I must have only passed out for a few seconds. "I am not going to kill her. Just seriously maim her, Mr. Mellark. And if you and Annie over there don't behave, the same will happen to you." Annie is crying, and I can tell she is trying to tone everything out.

"I haven't done anything wrong." Peeta says with defiance. It is true. Peeta is just a man of unpleasant circumstances but aren't we all.

"No, but she has. Spray her off boys and then cuff her again."He commands before leaving the room.

One of the guards forces me to stand. I shove him away though. He gives a little smirk as the other is coming around with a hose. It is like the one that we use to put out fires back in 7. I scream and try to get away from it but can't. By the end, I have choked on so much water that I am amazed I am still able to breathe. They replace the shackles on me and walk out. The room is bright and clean again. All of my blood was washed down the drain. Holly left me here to die. We are all going to be tortured to death. This is just the beginning I think before I black out.

I am not sure how many days I am knocked out, but when I do wake up, every muscle in my body hurts. There are two new people added to our chambers. The man I do not recognize, but the girl is the Avox who presented me the hangover drink in Holly's room so many years ago. How long ago was that? Four years? My head is pounding and I manage to look over at Peeta. He looks alright.

"How long have I been out?" I ask him.

"I think about 2 days. It is hard to tell time here. They brought them in soon after you passed out. I am not sure what they are planning on doing with them." Peeta said with a little anger in his voice. What was his problem?

"I don't really know either of them. She is an Avox." I shrug. Maybe I will go back to sleep. Even my dreams are better than this place.

"They both are. The man is Darius. He used to be a Peacekeeper in 12, but they took him and made him an Avox to mess with Katniss and I. The other girl was also an Avox too. Katniss knew them both." Peeta replies. Something was diffidently off about Peeta. The way he just said Katniss's name, it was like he didn't love the girl but hated her. Before I could react, the Dr. caught my attention as he entered the room.

"Ah Johanna. So glad you made it back to us. Are you feeling a little sore? I mean you do have quite a bit of bruising." Arillius says as he looks me over. Then he turns his attention to the Avoxes.

I am also skeptical like Peeta on why they brought them here. What could they honestly tell the Capitol? They lost their tongues. However, the real intention becomes clear. They brought them here to mess with all of us mentally. They questioned each of the red heads, and when they would not answer, they would shock them. By the looks of it, the shocks were life threatening.

"What is the point of this?" I say bluntly. Annie's sobs are making it hard to ignore what is happening around me.

"I think you understand the point, Johanna." He says as he shocks the two for no apparent reason. Something went wrong with this shock though. The boy seemed to be unresponsive while the girl was letting out a curdled scream. She looked at me then and I had to look away. Even though I had never done anything to this woman, I couldn't help but feel responsible. I saw every person I had ever harmed as well as every person that I cared about in that woman. She was dying just to torture Peeta, Annie, and I.

"So you killed the man. Are you going to keep shocking her until she is dead?" Peeta asks and even I look over at him in surprise. The lack of empathy is scary.

"I will put her out of her misery." Dr. Arillius says before taking his knife and cutting her throat. I have to look away, but I swear I can hear every drop of blood reach the floor.

Annie is hyperventilating, and I don't know how to calm her. I can't tell her it is going to be alright. Peeta is a psycho and I look like I had a stampede stomp all over me. On top of that, just had to witness two people get murdered. However, I have to do something or she is going to go completely crazy.

"Annie. Hey look at me." I tell her and she obliges. "We have to be strong. Can I trust you to do that for me? Do it for Finnick." Just hearing his name is enough and she nods but is still near the breaking point.

"Finnick isn't here. He is one of the people that the rebels decided to take. It looks like you three didn't quite make the cut." Dr. Arillius pipes up as he is walking towards us.

"Shut up." I whisper.

"Oh did I hit a nerve. Were they supposed to get you too? Did your lover tell you she would be there and that she would pick you up? Did you know President Snow took her into his own mansion once? He usually did to the desirable girls. Holly is her name right? It's a shame Holly isn't here to save you." He is close to me now. I am getting heated and try to pull myself from the shackles to fight him. It is painful just doing that, but I hate him. I don't want to think about Holly and all of the promises she made or who she slept with in the Capitol.

"What do you want from us?" I growl.

"I just want answers. And I think that you have some." Arillius replies.

"Thinking never gets you Capitol people very far. Did Snow tell you how stubborn I am?" I ask but I am speaking quiet enough that he has to move closer to me. I take advantage of his mistake and slam my head hard into his. It hurts, but it also cuts his head open. The anger in his face scares me a little, but what more could he really do to me? That is when the electric prongs touch my skin and the current rushes through me. Once again I pass out.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 13 Empty Inside

Author's note: Another chapter in Holly's point of view. I can only take so much torture writing before I go insane. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Distraction is the key element in keeping Johanna off of my mind. I eat, train, shower, and sleep. My life is not exciting and in fact I feel a complete emptiness inside of me. Katniss has been so stubborn about the whole Mockingjay process. I try my best to talk to her, but she has just closed herself off. I guess I haven't really tried as hard as I should. But, I have slowly lost hope in Johanna being alive. What use am I to the Capitol here? Snow can't touch me anymore, but he can touch Johanna.

"What are you staring at?" Katniss asks as she walks into the room. I had been looking at her side of the compartment but not really seeing anything but memories.

"I was thinking." I shrug. I can't really explain to her my worries. I have never been very good at that.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She really does seem to care.

"Not particularly. How was the visit to 12?" I change the subject. It was the first step any of us have made by allowing her to go there today. Maybe it will be enough to convince her.

She moves over to her bed and sits on the edge to face me. "It was horrible. There was hardly anything left…" she pauses before saying, "Holly, can you keep a secret?"

I chuckle before replying, "I have kept many. What's up?" I move closer to her because I could tell she was nearly shivering.

"I think Snow went to my house in the Victor Village and left me a rose in my room. Now, before you go and tell the head doctor, I am not crazy. It was there." She is saying and getting all hyped up.

"I believe you, Katniss." I take her hand because she needs it. "Why do you think he left it for you?"

"It was diffidently a threat. He is ready for revenge on me. The only reason he spared my life in the first place was to try and use me as a tool to show that I am part of the Capitol. You don't think I am crazy?" She is talking quickly like she thinks this place is bugged. Maybe she is right; I mean District 13 makes me feel like I felt in the Capitol except here there is no alcohol.

With Katniss's last question, I am drawn back to the time that Snow first asked me to be part of his slave group. I was only 13, but everyone seemed to love me in the Capitol. I had surprised them from the beginning. However, I didn't even know what sex was let alone have any interest in it. I knew that I loved Johanna, but it was not yet a sexual attraction.

"Ms. Wood, you are so desirable though." Snow said when I had said no.

"I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but I am not doing this. You can't make me." I replied and got up to leave.

"What about Johanna?" He smiled as I hesitated.

"You think killing her will help?" I asked and didn't wait for the reply when I walked out of the office.

When I got home, my family had been killed and Johanna had no interest in talking to me because the Capitol had marketed me out as their new love. She was under the assumption that I was big headed and not worth her time. It had hurt and Snow knew it. That is when he had left a rose for me in my house in the Victor Village. So Katniss's story is not at all surprising to me.

I am drawn back to the present because Katniss was looking at me for an answer. "He did something similar to me. So, no I do not think you are crazy. Just don't let it get to you." I give her a smile and she returns it.

Everyone does think we victors have gone off of our rocker though. They have some reason to think so I guess. Haymitch is in withdrawal, Katniss is in denial, Finnick is broken, and I am barely holding on. Beetee is the only one who really has remained normal through the whole process. I guess that is because he is so detached from us all.

"Thanks for the support Holly. Gale is going to come get me for dinner. Do you want to join us?" She asks as she is standing to get ready. The fact that she has been spending so much time with Gale bothered me a little until I realized that I am doing the same with her.

"Sure that sounds great." I say before looking over my schedule on my arm.

We all head down together. Gale is a nice enough guy. I think he is a little off balance when it comes to me though. Not enough people in District 12 were open about their love for the same sex. I didn't particularly care. It wasn't like I chose that Johanna would be the one that I loved. Either way, he and I were able to be acquaintances.

Just as we arrived at the dining hall, Gale's watch went off that said we had to go to the command office for a meeting. This was curious to me because they do not usually have those meetings. I can tell Katniss is dreading it so I try to lighten the mood. "Maybe there will be better food there." I joke. It brings a smile to her face at the very least.

We are all in the room, but no one pays attention to us. It is the screen they are looking at. Gale and I are taller than Katniss, so I see Peeta before she does. Luckily she doesn't see my reaction. Where is Johanna? Is this the thing that Katniss needs to see to make her want to go get Peeta? A million other questions are running through my head when Katniss makes a pitiful noise next to me. I am not surprised at all because I would make the same sound if I saw Johanna on the screen.

The interview that Peeta has with Caesar is heated at times, but I am just watching Katniss. I wish this girl would make up her mind. Sometimes it looks like she loves Gale, but right now; no one matters to her but Peeta. He looks healthy, and I am holding onto the hope that Johanna is getting the same type of treatment. I doubt it though. She is too stubborn that is if she is still alive.

When the interview is over, Katniss tries to leave the room. Coin pipes up and tells her that she cannot leave. Katniss reacts like I would and leaves the room. Gale trails after her and everyone begins to talk at once.

"What do you think this will do to her?" Plutarch asks.

"Do you think it will convince her to be the Mockingjay?"

"Peeta is a little traitor."

Coin just holds up her hand, and everyone stops talking. Through it all, I have remained silent and in my same spot. What else am I suppose to say. All of these questions have popped up in my head a million times over.

"She will choose to be the Mockingjay. I could see the glow in her eyes. However, she will have some requirements that we will have to fill. We will have another meeting tomorrow. Holly, will you stay back?" Coin says as everyone began to walk out of the room.

"I know you are probably thinking about Johanna." Coin says when it is just she, Boggs, and I.

"Of course I am. If Peeta is alive and still looks well, I am sure Johanna is alive at the very least. I have kept up to my side of the deal." I reply.

"We still don't know if she is alive though. Plus, you haven't gotten Katniss to be the Mockingjay yet. There is no need to get Peeta or Johanna."

"I know, but there will be." I walk out of the room without being dismissed. I have had enough of these District 13 people. I really just want to get out of this place. I want to go home. However, home is where your heart is and my heart is in a torture chamber somewhere in the Capitol.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 14: It Continues

The torment that they had been putting all of us through did not stop with the death of the Avoxes. I of course was getting it worse, but I had hope that District 13 would come get us. Why else would they be keeping us alive? I continue to resist their questions. Peeta is lucky; most of the time they are pampering him for some interview they keep mentioning. I find myself looking at him in the same way I used to look at Holly.

One day, Dr. Arillius decided to make a stop by our chamber. He was not getting the results from me that they had expected or that were expected of him. I could see he was getting anxious. This time he brought a woman guard.

"Where is Peeta?" I ask in a hoarse voice. He was gone when I had woken up. As if on cue, Peeta walks in with the two guards. He is unharmed which makes me feel better. Annie and Peeta never did anything wrong.

"I say we go with the basics. She is obviously beautiful. Let's take it away from her." The woman says to the Dr. who nods. I begin to move around to protect Annie.

However, instead of going to Annie, they move me up. Every muscle in my body is protesting, but the guards that brought Peeta in drag me into a different room. There are all sorts of scissors and knives here and one chair. What could they possibly want to do to me here? There is a mirror across one of the walls. It makes it possible for me to watch as the woman looks over the array of weapons. I decide to focus on what I look like. I have lost a considerable amount of weight, and my face and body are bruised in more places than they are not. Other than that, my appearance hasn't changed much.

"I am going to make you hideous, Ms. Mason." The woman says

I ignore her and continue to look at myself. I am Johanna Mason. I am strong and they can change my appearance, but they can't own me. The woman takes off the rest of my underclothes and begins to cut me in what I consider random places. However, it hurts, and no matter how hard I try, I cry out in pain. After she is done with the cutting, she begins to take chunks of my hair. I don't really care about that but my wounds are bleeding profusely. As if she knew what I was thinking, she wiped each cut with some solution. It burnt and my eyes watered.

The entire process probably took a few hours and I didn't look up when they drug me back to the room. I didn't want to see Annie and Peeta's reaction to my cuts and appearance. Annie was already crying, and who knows what Peeta thought. He was the stupid Capitol pet.

"That's right Johanna, hang your head. You are in the power of the Capitol now." I knew I was weak, but no one says that to me. No one owns me. I get my arm free of one of the guards and slap him across the face. The stick that came across my head knocked me out.

"Johanna." Peeta whispers me awake.

"Hm?" I ask wanting to go back to sleep.

"Try to listen to them. They are not hurting Annie. They only are injecting me with some solution every day. But other than that I have remained untouched." He tries to convince me.

"You don't know anything Peeta, and Annie is already broken. Your soul purpose here is to hurt Katniss." I answer. He really is clueless sometimes.

"I am doing a second interview with Caesar tonight. I am going to try and convince them to protect Katniss. Plus, I think they plan on bringing both of us on soon. If you don't cooperate, they are going to kill you."

"I will try, but I haven't always been the best at cooperating." I say and try to fall back to sleep.

After a few hours of silence, some guards and an unexpected visitor show up. He is looking very presentable as usual. The guards take Peeta probably to get ready for his interview. Snow however stays to chat with Annie and me.

"I hope you are not feeling too uncomfortable here, Ms. Cresta. Finnick needs to know that his actions do not go without consequence. As for you Ms. Mason, I have to say you have had better days." He is standing far enough away from me that I can't do anything to him. The Dr. must have forewarned him.

"I haven't done anything wrong." I say even though it isn't entirely true.

"Why did you cut the tracker out of Ms. Everdeen? Or why have you harassed the Doctor?" Snow asks.

"Might as well kill me, Snow. I am not useful to you." I shrug. Why should I play his game.

"That is where you are wrong. You see, Ms. Wood left with the rebels, yet she is not fighting for them. Why do you think that is?" Snow questions me.

"I guess she is not really feeling up for it. Or maybe she has disappeared." I shrug. I know exactly why she isn't fighting and it lightens my heart a little. It gives me hope.

"Stop playing dumb, Johanna. As long as we keep you alive, Holly will not fight for them. We are going to get you dressed nicely for the next interview. I suggest you do not do anything rash or I will kill you in front of the entire Panem." He threatens and walks out of the door.

The knowledge that Holly is not fighting to protect me allows me to hold on a little bit longer. I would go out onto that stage and play the Capitol's little puppet so that I could give Holly some extra hope too. After all, she didn't even know that I am alive.

"Do you think that Finnick is fighting?" Annie asks. It is the first thing she has said to me this entire time we have been here.

"No Annie, Finnick is so in love with you. He is probably sitting in District 13 crying every minute. It doesn't make him weak either. The things that he and Holly had to go through make me surprised they aren't crying more." I comfort her. I think it works because she seems to have the same determined look that I feel. If only we could get them to come get us.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 15: The Mockingjay

Author's note: Another chapter in District 13!

After Katniss saw Peeta, I was nervous she was going to accept the Mockingjay position right away. However, she stopped by our compartment soon after I got back from Coin's.

"Hey, so Peeta is alive." I say with my hands open.

"Yes, and I am going to be the Mockingjay. No need to be all worried about it anymore. I know you have tried to convince me all along." She says as she is opening her draws to pull out some clothes.

I chuckle because she always is so straightforward with me. It is something Johanna did as well. "Okay Katniss. Sorry for not worrying about your feelings. What are you doing now?" I ask because she is about to leave the room with just her clothes.

"I am going to spend a night with my sister. I feel like I haven't gotten to be around her much. She is always busy at the hospital." She replies and I bid her good night. The room feels too empty already.

The next day Katniss has her regulations built for her becoming the Mockingjay. I particularly like her rule about protecting the victors. This will help if Johanna did end up saying anything to the Capitol.

"I am glad you agreed." I say in our compartment that night.

"Why?"

"Because finally we can start doing something." I answer.

"I just want to defeat Snow." She says to the darkness.

"Get in line." I say and we both laugh.

Everything moves quickly after the President's public announcement. Katniss is horrible at acting when we tried to get her to do a fake battle. She looked hilarious, and even Haymitch came back from the grave to mock her. She wasn't very happy about it.

Later there was a meeting where we decided that Katniss would be better in a real battle. I agreed to go with her and some others to District 8 where there had been some serious bombing earlier that day.

"I don't want to be on camera." I said to Coin plainly. She obviously knew why and agreed. On the hovercraft over, I sat next to Haymitch to see how he was doing.

"I have seen better days that is for sure." He said to me as he held out his hand which had the shakes.

"It will only get better." I say to him and then we start to talk about the mission. He tells me he is not so sure about what there is going to be there. Probably a lot of hurt people.

When we got there, Haymitch wasn't kidding when he said a lot of hurt people .There was at least half of the District in there. The mayor of the District was named Paylor. I really liked her from the beginning. She seemed to be a person I wouldn't mind following.

Katniss looked like she was going to pass out when we went into the warehouse that held all of the injured. I am not surprised though. Some of the people even made me feel woozy. Katniss stayed strong through it all though, and our entire group was impressed.

Everything started going to hell when we got out of the warehouse. Haymitch forewarned us all that there were bombers coming in to the District. We had to move locations. Everything was going according to plan until Katniss realized that they were going to bomb the warehouse. She doubled back and Gale bashed Boggs in the face before running after. Haymitch had switched to my earpiece because Katniss had taken hers out.

"Holly, follow them!" He commands and I do.

We end up knocking down a couple of the planes, but the damage has already been done. Nevertheless, Katniss manages to get an inspirational moment where she speaks to the camera. I try to make sure I am out of every shot that they take, but I have a feeling they have some of me shooting down a plane. Katniss ended up getting another concussion, and on our way back, they told me she would have to be emitted into the hospital again. However, I had some minor injuries as well so I spent a couple of days in there with her and Finnick. It almost seemed back to normal, except Katniss could never take the place of Johanna.

While we were having dinner near Katniss's hospital bed, another Capitol interview came on. It had only been a few days, but Peeta had deteriorated considerably. Katniss is nearly losing it when Finnick intervenes and reminds us all that we should pretend like we didn't see it. I am grateful because I really thought I might lose it.

The days go by quickly after that. Katniss has detached herself from Gale, but they make another trip to District 12 which brings them closer. I instead decide to stay in the compartment and keep with my training. The day is getting closer where I will be able to get Johanna. The hope that she is not doing as poorly as Peeta is not very high. They are probably torturing her worse, and it is taking its toll on me.

"I am surprised you didn't go to 12. Supposedly you missed Katniss sing." Coin says to me as she steps into my compartment. This is very uncomfortable for me. After all, this is my room, and she shouldn't be in it.

"Yeah, I figured this is not something I should bother Katniss with. Her and Gale share a connection with the place that I don't quite have." I shrug.

"I feel like you can have connections with anything. You are pretty flexible when it comes to that. I just wanted to let you know that arrangements are in the process. We have located where Peeta is and have reason to believe that two other people are being held captive there. If Katniss finds out soon, we will go and get them all." Coin says and I want to hug her. There is so much good news and I just thank her and smile.

The next time we see Peeta, it is in a final interview with President Snow. Beetee is going to try to break into the Capitol stream with this one. It is going to show random footage of the last few weeks. We are all sitting in the room and getting prepared to watch Beetee work his magic. The commercial starts and I am more interested in my hands because I am not interested in seeing Snow. However, the sharp inhale from everyone around me allows me to look up. There she is. I sweat my heart stops beating. I have never seen something so beautiful in my entire life. The amount of joy is beyond anything I have felt. However, when I looked closer, I could tell she had been tortured which put knots in my stomach.

Katniss grabs my hand from under the table. The interview goes on and Peeta is trying really hard to remain calm. Then Beetee breaks through. He shows the footage, and I am outraged to see myself in it. The interview with Snow is back on, but I only look at Johanna. The hurt and frustration in her eyes nearly breaks my heart. I am plotting my way to beat Coin when Peeta mentions that there is going to be bombing in District 13.

Coin calms everyone down and tells us to follow the standard protocol. Everyone leaves the room then to go to the bunkers. I follow Coin and no one seems to object. She is going to get an earful. We get to her private bunker which seems to be lower than the rest. She has all sorts of gadgets in there as well. She excuses all of the guards.

"I know what you are going to say. We needed to show you strong and fighting. You are a weapon just as Johanna is for the Capitol." She says without even looking at me.

"That is ridiculous and you know it. Every step I make towards the rebellion, the more she gets hurt." I yell.

What she does next surprises me. She shoves me against the wall. I had never seen her use any combat skills, and I was not afraid of her before. "Listen to me, I don't give a damn about your love for Johanna. I care about getting out of this Capitol reign. I am sorry if it is harsh, but I am looking at the bigger picture." That was when the first bomb dropped.

I gave up then. I sat in the corner and cried. I finally was letting everything take over. Johanna probably has so much hate and resentment towards me now. I don't blame her either. I left her, and I am now working against her.

Being in Coin's cabinet turned out to be bad and I wished I had followed Katniss instead. It was only Coin, Boggs, and a few other people that I did not bother learning the name of. I stayed in the corner and refused to look at anyone. Boggs gave me his sleeping bag which was nice at night.

"Hang in there. It is only a matter of time before Katniss realizes what you knew all along." Boggs says to comfort me. The only problem is I don't know how long Johanna has. I might have sentenced her death.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 16: Torture

After Holly was shown fighting for the rebels, the torment turned to torture. They took Peeta to a different room, and I could hear his screams. Half of the time, I was in a different room too.

It happened the night of the bombings. They took me to a small room and began to fill it with water. I wasn't scared at first because I can swim, and it is just water. However, they filled it to the near brim where I could barely breathe. Then they turned on the shocks.

It was only a small shock at first, just like with the Avoxes. But at one point, I thought they were going to stop my heart light the force field did to Blight. They would do this to me for hours.

After a few days of this, I would find myself getting deathly afraid when they would just put me in the room. I would scream before they even start to fill the water. They no longer listen to my pleas. I am of no use to the Capitol anymore. They might as well kill me.

"Johanna, we still need you to tell us the rebel's plans. You were in with them. We know it." Dr. Arillius said after a considerably painful bout of shocks.

"I don't know anything."I say which is mostly true.

"Hm I thought that shock would get it out of you. Let's try salt water this time." He says and gets out of the room.

"No please! I don't know!" I am screaming as the water begins to fill again. I am crying before the shocks even begin to happen. I hate the rebels right now. I even hate Holly. They have no idea what this is like.

When that wave of shocks is done, I lie there finally defeated. They won. I am not going to resist anymore. I will just die. Dr. Arillius must have registered that I have given up because he has the guards take me back to the room with Annie. My appearance must be bad because it sends her into a bout of tears. She had no idea what she is crying for. They haven't even touched her. Finnick actually cares about Annie. I hate them both right now. Peeta is the only one I have any respect for, and I never get to see him. He is always screaming though.

"Finnick…" Annie mumbles after we are sitting there a few hours.

"Shut up Annie!" I am yelling at her, "They aren't coming for us! We are going to die in this florescent hell! They don't give a shit about us!" I keep yelling until we are both balling. They have broken me, and I can no longer hold in my tears. "They left us…"

After an hour or so, there is a flicker in the lights. Annie cries harder and I wonder if that is what happens when they shock me. That is when the door is blasted open. People with guns and masks are there. The green gas is spread on the floor, and I am freaking out. They are gasing us to death.

Then I see her. I know it is her because she is running over to me. She has never looked more beautiful than in this moment. My anger towards her is ebbed away. She puts a mask over my head and starts to get me out of the shackles.

I hug her when she does and never want to let her go. She came here to save me. She picks me up, and I see the others get Annie. I feel bad for yelling at her now. I look into Holly's eyes. She is concentrating and trying to make sure everyone gets out. We make it out the door and Peeta is ahead of me. All seems well until Holly falls over and I topple down. She is turned around and shooting at the guards who managed to get masks on. She looks at me for a fraction of a second, and I know what she is going to do.

"No!" I yell.

"Gale get her out of here!" She commands and he picks me up.

"No, Holly!" I am trying to kick and scream but Gale is much stronger.

"I am so sorry Johanna. I love you" She says without looking back. We made it out because of her, but they have to knock me out because I am fighting to get to her. Through the fog of getting knocked out, I can see her get captured. We traded places. No…

Holly: When we are finally out of those bunkers, Katniss has figured it all out. Snow put tons of roses in the craters of the bombs. They are for her. Katniss tries, but she has just gone quiet. Everyone asks what is wrong with her.

"She has figured out Snow is using Peeta against her." Finnick says. Everyone seems bummed about it, and it pisses me off.

Katniss loses it then, and Haymitch is holding her and trying to comfort her. I can tell that he wishes for nothing more than to drink his sorrows away. Finnick is not far behind her, and I hold him. Luckily I am able to keep it together because I cried it all out before. They bring a needle to knock Finnick out and are debating on doing the same for me.

"There is no way you are knocking me out. I know where you are going." I say as I hold the passed out Finnick.

"Let her go" Boggs says to Coin as we are arguing.

"And lose another Victor? No"

"Please, this is the only thing I can do. Plus, I followed my end of the deal." I say.

"Boggs, leave us." She commands and he obeys.

"If you don't come out of there, they will kill you. I have one order for you if you go." She stops.

"Anything." I bargain.

"You cannot sacrifice yourself. Even if it means you leave Johanna."

I hesitate because I don't know if I can agree to this. However, I need to get there so I agree. She seems convinced enough and lets me go. We are in hovercrafts within the hour. Boggs, Gale and seven others are there with me. I feel giddy again to see Johanna. Hopefully she is still alive…

We get there and it seems like they are just going to hand us the prisoners. I run to Johanna, because there is no one else on my mission list. She looks horrible, but she is at least alive. She hugs me and looks close to tears. I pick her up. She is so skinny that I find myself afraid I might break her. We make it all the way to the door until something hit me in the butt. I fell and Johanna toppled over in front of me.

I look over to the guards and know that we aren't going to get out. I am going to have to break that promise to Coin. I look at Johanna for a second. I want to remember that face before I die. She knows my plan and puts up a fight. However, Gale helps me by taking her. I can't afford to look back at her, but I reply with a sorry and with my love for her. They make it out which was my main goal. However, a guard slams his gun into my head and I am knocked out.

Author's Note: Hey everyone, I hope that you like this so far. I am just cruising through writing today. If you have any advice, just let me know. I really enjoy where I am taking this story.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 17 Healing

Holly is dead. There is no way that they will spare her. Why would they? They have already broken me, and now, they have taken everything from me. I am too tired to do anything and too broken anyway. The morphling feels good, and I let it take me. It removes more than just the physical pain. I have given up.

"Johanna, you are in District 13. It is completely safe here." The head Dr. said to me when I first arrived.

I just give a light laugh. I will never be safe. The idiot continued to come by every day to try and check up on my healing. However, there is no healing for me. I deserve to die just as much as Holly does. Plus, the nightmares are too much to handle. I keep reliving the night where I didn't get to her. No matter how hard I try, I always get stuck. It is a reoccurring thing and I hate sleeping.

One day I am given a special treat. Katniss was shot in District 2, so she is in the bed right next to mine. They had been cutting back on my morphling because the head doctor wants me to live on my own without it. Katniss on the other hand had a ton of morphling coming from her drip. She wouldn't miss it.

I whip back the curtain and notice that she is awake. She looks afraid of me for a second and I am happy. Little brat. All of this is her fault.

"I am alive," She says roughly.

"No kidding, brainless." I walk over and plunk hard on her bed. She winces which gives me satisfaction. "Still a little sore?" I want to laugh but instead I reach for the morphling. I remove it quickly from her drip and put it in my arm. "They started cutting back on my supply a few days ago. Afraid I'm going to turn into one of those freaks from six. I've had to borrow from you when the coast was clear. Didn't think you'd mind." I finish. She doesn't mind because she feels bad about me getting caught. Good, Holly is dead because of it.

I sigh as the morphling hits my bloodstream. "Maybe they were onto something in six. Drug yourself out and paint flowers on your body. Not such a bad life. Seemed happier than the rest of us, anyway."

In the past weeks, I have grown some more hair and put on some of the weight I lost. I am slowly getting off the morphling which gets me restless. I need Katniss right now.

"They've got this head doctor who comes around every day. Supposed to be helping me recover. Like some guy who's spent his life in this rabbit warren's going to fix me up. Complete idiot. At least twenty times a session he reminds me that I'm totally safe." She smiles at this because we know we aren't safe. "How about you Mockingjay? You feel totally safe?" I joke.

"Oh yeah. Right up until I got shot." She says.

"Please. That bullet never even touched you. Cinna saw to that." I laugh

"Broken ribs?" She says after a few seconds.

"Not even. Bruised pretty good. The impact ruptured your spleen. They couldn't repair it." I say dramatically. "Don't worry, you don't need it. And if you did, they'd find you one, wouldn't they. It's everybody's job to keep you alive." I say bitterly.

"Is that why you hate me?" She asks.

"Partly," I admit "Jealousy is certainly involved. I also think you're a little hard to swallow. With your tacky romantic drama and your defender-of-the-helpless act. Only it isn't an act, which makes you more unbearable. Please feel free to take this personally." I am being mean, but I can't help but hate her.

"I am sorry about Holly. Gale told me she got you all out." She says truthfully.

"Let's not talk about that." I can't even say her name out loud. Even hearing it makes my heart hurt.

"You should have been the Mockingjay. No one would have had to feed you lines." She says after a minute of me trying not to lose it.

"True, but no one likes me." I admit.

"They trusted you, though. To get me out." She reminded me, "And they are afraid of you."

"Here, maybe. In the Capitol, you're the one they're scared of now." Gale comes over and I have to reattach Katniss to her morphling. "Your cousin's not afraid of me." I joke and bump my hip into him. "Are you, gorgeous?" I am laughing as he mouths "Terrified".

I start to get better and get to know Katniss. She isn't as bad as I always thought. Not someone I would be interested in dating though. We both have been through too much. Another thing that is nice about District 13 is Finnick. He is always so happy, and he never lets Annie out of his sight. Of course, I can't be around them too much because they just remind me of her.

One day, Katniss, Finnick, Annie, and I are all sitting outside watching the training. It won't be long until they expect me to start training. There is something hectic happening at the edge of the fence. I decide I am interested enough to go over with Finnick. He seems to see before me and stops me.

"Johanna, go back to Annie and Katniss. I will take care of this." He says and tries to turn me around and get in front of me.

"Funny Finnick. What's going on?" I shove him and everyone else out of my way. I nearly faint when I see her standing there.

"Someone get the President!" The guard yells.

"Reprogramming needed." Holly says in a robotic tone.

"Get Beetee too! Bring her in; we know her." Finnick says and tries to get the fence open.

We get Holly in. She is even walking robotic. How long has it been since I saw her? A month? Inside we make it to the headquarters. She keeps saying the same thing and hasn't even looked at me. What is wrong with her?

"What is this?" Coin says looking happy? I haven't ever seen her happy.

"Reprogramming needed." Holly repeats. It reminds me of Nuts.

"She is under the impression she is a computer." Beetee says from behind me. "Original programming?" He addresses her.

"Kill Johanna Mason. Program crash. Reprogramming needed." She says and Finnick pulls me behind him and Katniss stands on the other side of him.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Finnick asks.

"She is overriding her programming. In the Capitol, they do this to people sometimes. The effects are usually long lasting, but Holly must be in there somewhere." Beetee looks hopeful. I have been quiet through this all. How could something like this be done to her? Did they hijack her like Peeta?

"Begin override" Beetee says after he thinks about the right command to say.

"Access denied." Holly says.

"Who has access?" Coin asks.

"Voice recognized. Alma Coin. Access accepted." Holly says as she looks at Coin.

"How do I reprogram her Beetee?" Coin seems to be enjoying having the power over Holly.

"In the Capitol, they never tried to override them back to where they were to start. We can try to shock her brain?" Beetee suggests.

"No." I speak up. However, at the sound of my voice, Holly seems to go crazy. She crashed onto the floor and starts putting her hands over her ears.

"Program crash. System override." She keeps repeating.

"It might be her only hope. They use to do this to people all the time in three. I personally knew someone who it happened to." He confesses. I wonder if he is talking about Wiress.

"Can't you reprogram her without shocking her?" Finnick asks.

"Yeah, I mean you are helping Peeta by taking the venom out of him. Can't you just remove what happened to her?" Katniss also speaks up.

"Programming requirements?" Beetee asks Holly. At least he is exercising all of the options.

"Connect specimen back to control pod and rewire the system." Holly explains.

"Sorry, she is saying what I had concluded. She needs to be shocked again." He replies. I want to say something, but don't want Holly to have another fit.

"Again?" Coin asks what I had wanted to.

"That is how they got her this way. I have something in special weaponry that should do the trick. I will bring it to the hospital. Meet me there in an hour. Johanna, you should steer clear of Holly until then." Beetee orders. I wonder how he has something that horrible here in 13. However, I lose my track of thought when I watch Holly get up with some guards help. She doesn't seem to protest, but she looks so empty inside.

We head down to the hospital. Finnick keeps taking glances at me. He goes to drop Annie off at her compartment before rejoining us. I feel grateful to have him with me. Apparently he is the only friend that I have in this world anymore. I begin to think that Holly was better off dead. We reach the hospital and Beetee is already there waiting with this metal helmet. It is connected to all sorts of wire, and I have to go to observation room. This is almost too much for me.

"Beetee is going to fix her up, Jo." Finnick says and I know he doesn't even know if that is true.

Holly doesn't resist when they put the helmet over her and they place something between her teeth. She seems to know that it is going to hurt though. Beetee has the medics from 13 strap her in just in case. I watch as they are trying to electrocute her to death.

"If this doesn't work, I will kill Beetee." I say with my fists clenched.

"He is only trying to help, Johanna. Otherwise Holly would just be a blubbering computer." Coin says.

"Better than a muttering vegetable." I growl.

They all go silent because they know that there is no way their words will comfort me. Really how would they react to seeing the one they love in this situation? In that second, Katniss walks back in the room. She gives me a hug, and I don't know why but it is the only thing that comforts me. Out of all of the people, Katniss knows what I am going through. After all, Peeta is still trying to kill her.

"Holly, I am going to administer some shocks to you. It should help but it is going to hurt." Beetee says to the machine Holly.

The shocks start off small as they did with me. I am not noticing but I have my hands over my ears and I have to look away. Katniss takes my hand and Finnick puts his arm over me. I am not weak anymore. I need to keep this together. Then Holly starts to yell, I almost completely lose it.

"Why doesn't he stop?! It is obviously hurting her!" I am yelling and about to head towards the door.

"You will stay put, Ms. Mason. That is an order." Coin commands and I want to punch her but think better of it. Plus Holly is yelling louder.

She spit out the mouth peace and is screaming, "Please stop!" Tears are flowing down her face. Beetee seems to think that it is enough and turns the machine off. Holly has passed out, and they start to take all of the things off of her.

She slowly lifts up her head, and looks scared. "Where am I?" She asks.

"You are in District 13. Can you tell me your name?" Beetee asks and is looking intently at her.

Holly just looks at him confused. She doesn't know how to answer. How could she forget her name? I am running out the door before Coin can stop me. I don't care about her stupid orders. I run into the room and look Holly right in the eyes.

"Do you know who I am?" It comes out as a growl. Again she is looking at me with no recognition.

"I don't." She says. She must see how hurt I am because she says, "I am sorry. I don't even remember who I am. I feel…" She throws up then and I am out of the room. The girl who loved me unconditionally has no idea who I am. The girl who sacrificed her body, happiness, and life for me. She would have been better off dead. She is dead to me.

Author's Note: Again I do not own the Hunger Games...


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 18 – Finnick and Annie

**Another Chapter in Holly's Point of View!**

I open my eyes to see a man in a wheelchair before me. I know him. How do I know him? Is he trying to kill me?

"Where am I?" I ask and can't help but feel my heart beat rise. Why am I scared?

"You are in District 13. Can you tell me your name?" The man asks and I have to focus on his question. What is my name?

I just shake my head because I don't know my name. This just makes me even more nervous. What have they done to me? Who am I? I can't even concentrate and am beginning to feel woozy. Then she runs in the door. She is skinny and looks like she has been through more than anyone in this room. Her hair is shaved but growing back fuzzy. She is beautiful and I can almost pinpoint who she is.

"Do you know who I am?" She growls. Hm she isn't very nice is she? But who is she?

"I don't." I confess and her face drops in dismay. It makes my heart hurt and I am not sure why. "I am sorry. I don't even remember who I am. I feel…" I don't finish the sentence though because sickness takes me. The girl is running out the door clearly hurt by me.

"It's alright." The man says.

"Who was that? Who am I? What is happening? What did you do to me?" I am asking and beginning to hyperventilate. That is when someone puts the needle in my arm to knock me out.

My eyes open and I am in a hospital room. They have restraints on me which makes me uncomfortable. What is wrong with me? I think hard which makes my head hurt, but I know there are memories there. I just have to find them. Someone who I know I don't know walks in the door.

"Hello, I am going to be your doctor for the next couple of weeks. We have to get you more stable before we can let you go out." He says very slowly.

"I have lost my memories, not my vocabulary. You don't have to talk to me like I am five." I say a little irritated.

"That is good to know. Can you tell me your name yet?" He asks a question that I am already getting annoyed about.

"No, I don't know my bloody name." I say with true anger. Why is everyone asking me this?

"Hm. Okay, I mean it takes progress. Tell me anything you can remember." He says. This is something I like.

"I remember my home. I am a victor. I live in Panem. District 7 to be exact. I am currently in District 13 which I had no idea I was here until I woke up. That girl who walked in on me earlier is someone very important to me although I can't tell you why or her name. That is about all doc." I say with a sigh.

"That is very good progress. Did you remember all of that when you woke up or is it coming back to you?"

"It is just coming back to me slowly. I get bits and pieces of memories. HOLLY! That is my name." I say excited.

"Very good, Holly" He says with a smile. "I have someone here to visit you if you want. He won't pry or anything"

I nod my agreement and the most handsome man I have ever seen walks in with an equally beautiful strawberry red haired girl. For some reason, I know I am not sexually interested in this boy. It isn't because they are clearly together. I think I like women.

"I like women?" is the first thing I say to them. They both laugh and I laugh with them.

"You always told me that it wasn't that you liked women specifically, but that you liked a certain woman." The girl says with a smile.

I think about it and it is something that I remember saying. I am getting a little flustered though because I don't remember their names. "Can you tell me your names again? I am so sorry that I can't remember." I am truly feeling bad about this. They seem to care about me and I can't even have the decency to remember their names.

"It's alright Holly. I am Finnick. I am also a victor. Won the games three years before you. We have been pretty good friends when we could be. The Capitol has put us all through quite a bit of hell." He says.

"Oh that you didn't have to tell me. I may not know who I love. But I do know who I hate." We laugh again.

"I am Annie. Also a victor. I won two years after you. You have always been so sweet to me Holly." She says and puts her hand on mine. It comforts me. All of a sudden a memory comes back.

"We had dinner at your district once. That girl she won the hunger games too. It was her victory tour." I look at them in confirmation. They nod.

"You are doing much better than the other night." Finnick smiles and I see something in his eyes. Is it hope?

"Thanks, Finnick. But I feel like my brain is a big pile of mush. The more I try to remember things the more I mix up the mush." I say with a shake of my head.

"You still don't remember the girl's name?" Finnick asks with a little smile.

"No, and it is driving me nuts." I say and then I get a big shock of pain in my head. I scream out and notice the lights flicker. This seems to set Annie off and she has her ears covered and is no longer in this world.

"Hey Holly, we better get going. I will stop by tomorrow. I promise." Finnick says as he leads a crying Annie out of the room. Great I scared the only friends I had away.

I don't get any more visitors because they are probably scared I am going to blow some circuits in this place. Volts must be watching me. It is a nickname for the guy in the wheelchair. I don't know his real name, but I do know that was a nickname. The doctor comes to check on me a few times, and I tell him that not much has changed in my memory. I am still as dumb as I was the last time he checked. I get a head ache and ask him to put me out. I might as well sleep it off. Maybe this is all just a bad dream.

As I am headed into fog land, one more memory crosses my mind. The first time I kissed her. It was the day we had gotten back to District 7. Her family had been killed, and her girlfriend had left her. We had drunk a lot, and I felt bad for her. The kiss was light and her name pops up, Johanna…


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 19 – Moving On

I don't go back to see Holly after the night she first got there. There is no way she will ever get the best of me. The Capitol won, and I just consider her another piece of their work. She is like the person I first met. A Capitol puppet that remembers nothing of her past and is too lost to move onto the future.

"You shouldn't give up on her, Jo" Finnick says as he and Annie are eating with me in the hospital one day.

"You saw her face. She has no idea who I am." I said and refused to talk about the subject.

Later Finnick takes Annie back to her compartment and tells me he will be right back. I expect some sort of lecture about going to see Holly so I am kind of dreaded it. I pretend to be asleep when he walks back in.

"Please, Jo. That is the worst fake sleep I have ever seen. I am not here to give you a lecture." He laughs.

"Oh in that case." I say and sit back up with a laugh.

"So, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I don't want to have any regrets if I end up dying in the battle." He says to me.

"Wow this is some deep stuff." I say and give him a straight look.

"Yeah, so I am just saying that I want to ask Annie to marry me. Do you think she will say yes?" He looks nervously at me.

"Are you kidding Finnick? Of course she will say yes. She loves you more than anything. You keep her sane and she keeps you sane. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is." I say and get up to give him a big hug.

He seems to be a little more confident and smiles. "Thanks, Jo. I was getting nervous to ask her. You know it has always been my fear. Being rejected by Annie" He laughs nervously.

"Finnick Odair, you are lucky to have her and I am so happy for you." I say with a smile.

He smiles and then tells me he is going to go tell Holly if I want to join him. I turn my smile into a scowl before telling him no thank you. Why does he even bother with her? She probably doesn't even have enough memories of them to be happy for him. He just waves me off and goes to see her. I feel bad but I have written her off. She can't ever be in love with me like before.

I pretend to be in pain and beg the nurse for some morphing. She doesn't usually oblige, but she must see the tears forming in my eyes. I let the high take me away from here because I need to go to a place where Holly is still in love with me. A place where I can marry her like Finnick is marrying Annie. I fall into a peaceful sleep.

Holly:

Finnick and Annie come by almost every day to see me. It makes me feel good because I remember so much about them. Their love makes me feel so warm inside as if this war wasn't killing us all. I need something happy. Especially because Johanna hasn't come to see me. I ask them about her one day.

"She is pretty stubborn." Finnick says with a shake of his head.

"Yeah I know. I remember a lot about her though. I wish she would know that." I say with a sad smile.

"She just needs to see you Holly. When you get out of here, she will be able to tell that you are closer to your older self." Annie says. She doesn't usually say something so strong but it comforts me.

I haven't had as many brain attacks (that is what I call them) which is good. They are considering letting me out of the hospital, but I need to live with someone stable. No one seems to be stable around here in my opinion.

One day I get an unexpected visitor. "Hey Haymitch." I say with a slight wave. They are having me solve this small cube which I find therapeutic.

"Holly, I wasn't sure you would remember me." He jokes.

"How could I forget the man who made all of this possible?" I say back with a pointing at my head. I had just gotten the memory back where we left Johanna in the arena.

"Please, I get enough of that from Peeta and Katniss. And there isn't a drop of alcohol for us to hide behind." He says guiltily.

"I am sorry, Haymitch. The bad memories seem to come back quicker and clearer than the good. I do remember all of our shawarma dates." I say and give his hand a little squeeze. He does something that I have never seen him do (or at least I don't remember seeing him do it), Haymitch cries. All of the pressure must be getting to him and his inability to drown it out with alcohol is making it worse. I comfort him the best that I can. After a minute, he straightens up and looks strong again.

"Thank you for that Holly." He says and gives my hand a little kiss before walking out of the door.

The next visitor is not all that surprising, although I expected Annie to be with him. When I comment on that, Finnick gives me a little smile.

"I dropped her off at the compartment. I wanted to talk to you alone." He says.

"What is it?" I am a little worried.

"I want to ask Annie to marry me. Do you think it is the right time?" He asks. I can tell he has talked to someone else about this, but I am flattered that he talked to me too.

"Now is the best time, Finnick. All of us need something to be happy about. Am I invited?" I smile.

"I have to get her to say yes first" He jokes.

We talk about all the plans and he shows me the ring. It is truly elegant. I can't be happier for him. If only Johanna would forgive me. Maybe we could be the ones getting married. However, I need to focus on Finnick and Annie first. Sadly as we are laughing, I have another brain attack and Finnick has to leave the room so they can knock me out. I tell him to have Annie come here when she says yes. He says he will before the drugs knock me out.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 20 Weddings and Happiness

Holly:

As the weeks progress, the wedding creeps up on all of us. Annie asked me of all people to be her maid of honor. It surprises me but I agree. I pray silently to myself that no brain attacks happen during the wedding. That would be just perfect. The maid of honor ruins the whole wedding. I suppose I will have to be extra doped up. We head to what is left of district 12 with Katniss one day, and I confess that it is nice to get some fresh air. The dress we pick for Annie is perfect and Katniss and I pick some for ourselves. I take an extra and ask Katniss if she can give it to Johanna.

"Don't tell her it is from me. She won't wear it." I say as we are walking in the woods.

Katniss laughs before saying, "She is so stubborn sometimes. But your right she won't wear it if she knows you told me to bring it for her."

We continue and end up at a place where a little pond is. I am reminded of the training with Johanna. Why is it that all of these memories come back to me and then sometimes they leave? It is frustrating and I feel a brain attack coming on but force myself back into the present. Katniss is singing a beautiful song about a man who hangs himself and calls his lover back to him. It is eerie but her voice is so amazing. All of the birds do stop to listen to her.

On the way back, I tell them that I have to take a nap but secretly I had to put some sleep aid in me because I didn't want to bring the hovercraft down when my brain exploded. I guess Beetee doesn't even understand what has happened to me. I seem to have the ability to mess with electricity when my mind does that funky pain. I find it quite annoying. Especially when I am trying to hold it together for Annie. She is looking so nervous. However, I can't comfort her right now. I have to make sure I don't make things worse.

When the wedding day is finally here, I help Annie into her dress and soothe her. I promise her that this will be the best night of her life.

"Annie, Finnick loves you more than anything in this world." I whisper as she has gone into her little trance. With the mention of Finnick, it seems to bring her back. She is getting ready again with Katniss' prep team. I am grateful they are there because I know just about nothing about make up. I hardly wear any myself.

"Must be nice to know the one you love loves you back." She is walking into the room and my heart skips a beat. It is the first time I have seen her since the night I got back.

Annie seems to know that there is going to be a problem and she suggests I go check on Finnick. I nod and walk past Johanna with a slight brush of our skin. The electric feeling I have is hopefully only from the nerves. I was told that she was shocked in the Capitol. Great the one thing I can do is the one thing that she is scared of.

"How are you doing Finnick?" I walk up to him and help straighten his bow tie.

"I look like an idiot. Annie is going to think I am a joke."He says as he messes up the tie.

"Don't be silly. She is about as nervous as you are. Johanna is calming her down though." I say as I help him fix his tie again.

"You saw Johanna?" He asks. Well at least something got his mind off of the wedding.

"Yeah she is pretty vial isn't she?" I joke but the laugh isn't really genuine.

"She just needs some more time, Holly. She still loves you." He gives me a hug and then gets back to being nervous.

I leave Finnick with Haymitch and check on Annie again. She is doing fine and seems to be in a happy daze. Whatever Johanna said to her, it must have worked. I walk her down the aisle of the small gathered group. All of the people invited are in awe at the girl's beauty. She is only looking at Finnick though. And dang does he look dazzling. I am not really focusing on either of them though because I see Johanna then. I stand up there and look at her almost the entire ceremony. This is something I had wanted to do with her. And now she is just being a little… I had to stop then because the lights got slightly bright. However, no one but Johanna and I seemed to notice. Good thing because that type of thing would set Annie off. She is about to kiss Finnick though.

Everything is perfect and I am temporarily relieved from my duties so that I can go dance. Johanna and Katniss have been tearing up the dance floor and I have been insanely jealous. Mostly of Katniss. Johanna is wearing the dress that I picked out for her. It looks great on her and I can't help but look at her body. Eventually, I get enough nerve and walk over to them and try to make a conversation.

"Is it nice?" I ask Katniss.

"Holly, I don't think anyone could have done a better job." Katniss smiles.

"I am surprised they asked you to be part of the wedding party. Seeing as you didn't remember they were your friends and all." Johanna spat. Why did she have to be so mean?

"Annie and Finnick visited me almost every day in the hospital since I have gotten back. Considerably more than the person who claims to have loved me." I say in a simple tone. Then I focus back on Katniss. "Katniss, would you care for a dance?" I had intended to ask Johanna but since she wanted to set me on edge, I better stick with someone who doesn't hate me.

"You should take it easy on her, Holly. Johanna has been through a lot. She thought you were dead and then you turn out to be like Peeta." Katniss says. She doesn't usually talk about Peeta.

"All I have done is loved her Katniss. There is not much else I can do. She acts like it is my fault that I was programmed to kill her and that I forgot who she was." I say as we dance to a slower song.

After the slow dance, we have fun with a simple step that I had learned as a girl. She is really a smooth dancer and I find myself laughing with her. The cameras are on us, but I don't even have to feel like I am acting. Katniss takes the time to teach me one of her home dances. It is really bouncy and it hurts my butt. I guess I was shot there, but it doesn't matter. I see Johanna out of the corner of my eye and we both stop laughing. The song is almost over anyway.

"Do you mind if I cut in, Katniss?" She asks but she is not even looking at her.

"Sure." She says and hands her my hand.

We dance a little more aggressive than everyone else around us, and people begin to steer clear. It is amusing to me because we look so silly. However, Johanna doesn't find it funny.

"Something funny?"

"Yeah, look at us. We look like a couple of mad girls trying to claim our territory." I say with a laugh.

"I can't believe you don't remember me." She says with a lot of anger.

"I do remember you, Johanna" I confess.

"Yeah you remember my name finally. I am not all convinced you loved me in the first place. You left me in the arena, you allowed the cameras to shoot you being a rebel, they tortured me because of you, and then you left me stuck in district 13 with the idea that you are dead. Do you remember any of that?" She and I are whipping around and she is nearly yelling.

"Yes, I do remember all of that actually." I say and stop the dance. This is getting out of hand.

She slaps me then with all of her force. I am surprised at how much it doesn't hurt. "I did love you Holly. You meant everything to me. But I watched Peeta get tortured for weeks before he decided he wanted to kill Katniss. It only took them a month to convince you." She blames.

"You are really blaming me right now?" I am getting flustered even though I know I shouldn't.

"Yeah as a matter of fact I am." She says and shoves me. She continued but I couldn't hear her. My ears were ringing. Finnick was pulling Annie aside because we were making quite the scene. Johanna kept on yelling.

"Just stop Johanna." I say and cover my ears. I can't control myself for much longer.

"You never loved me." She concludes and I lose it.

"I said stop!" the entire room shakes and everyone is knocked back a few steps. And I've done it. Had a stupid brain attack.

I walk past Finnick and Annie and say, "I am so sorry." Then I am out the door and running towards my hospital bed.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 21: Apologies

I know I had been egging her on, but what happened was a complete surprise. Finnick told me that sometimes Holly loses herself. I just passed it off thinking she was like Peeta or Annie. However, she was way worse.

"I am so sorry, Finnick. It is my fault. I didn't know she would do that." I say to him after Annie had calmed down.

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me. Do you have any idea how much Holly put into this? She tried so hard to stay sane and keep Annie sane." Finnick replies and looks at me disappointed. This just made me feel worse.

I knew then that I had to go apologize to Holly for more than just tonight. I haven't given her enough credit for what she has done. Blaming her was easier than blaming myself. I excused myself from the wedding and headed towards Holly's hospital room. However, Beetee and Coin were whispering down the hall. I ducked behind the corridor to eavesdrop.

"Did you see what she just did there? What is wrong with her?" Coin asks.

"She seems to have the ability to move objects with her mind. However, she doesn't have control over it. Her emotions are too unstable. It is unlike anything I have ever witnessed." Beetee replies.

"If we could control that. Snow basically handed us a weapon. The perfect soldier." She is talking about Holly as if she were an object. It brings a scowl to my face, and I am tempted to break up the conversation. However, I want to see where it is going.

"She could also be a liability. She can't help who or what she moves. What if she attacks some of our men on accident? I would make sure to train her first. All of us victors have been through a lot. Holly herself was in the same situation as Finnick with the Capitol."Beetee warns Coin. He at least was being rational.

"What was that? Holly was a slave of the Capitol?" Coin asks in surprise.

"Yes, she was easily as busy as Finnick. I thought you had known that. It was nearly every victor's fate." Beetee confesses.

She must be thinking the entire thing over because they are both quiet for a minute. What does this woman have to say about a President that sells its citizens? Well I will never know. Just when it was getting interesting, Coin's right hand was right behind me.

"It's not illegal to listen in on conversation, but it is rude." He says with a smirk.

I shrug and pretend that I wasn't listening. I walk past Beetee and Coin as if they didn't hold my interest. In all reality, they needed to stop talking anyway. Holly is not some toy they can play with. She is a person, and even I need to start treating her like one.

I get to her room and hesitate. After a few seconds, I walk in without knocking. When have I ever knocked? She is sitting on the floor with only her underclothes on. The dress she was wearing is hanging neatly over the door. Everything else in the room is all over the place. I look at her then. Maybe it is the way she is sitting or maybe it is just how vulnerable she looks, but she could be the same girl I saw being reaped so many years ago. She doesn't look at me even though she knows I walked in.

"Listen, I owe you an apology." I say. She knows how much I hate saying sorry. However, instead of accepting my apology, she looks around the room at the mess that she obviously made. Part of me wonders if she used her mind to mess up the room. I stand there for another second before I start to get annoyed.

"Holly, I am not good at saying sorry. Not seeing you these past few weeks has been rough on me. Our last encounter really had me blaming myself for what happened to you. However, it was easier to blame you and ignore you than to take the blame. I am sorry for that. I am also sorry for what happened tonight. Seeing you happy with someone other than me just set me off." She looks at me then as if that last sentence really got to her. However, she remains silent while she stares. It is the type of silence that feels eerie. I look down before saying, "I am pouring out my heart here and all you can do is stare at me."

She moves then, and for a second, I am scared she will hurt me. I feel bad because she notices my hesitation. However, she must not care because she closes the gap between us. The kiss was the first we had since I got into the tube to take me to the Hunger Games. It is fierce and loving all at the same time. Holly pushes me against the wall and holds me there. She works her hands on the back of my dress and gets it off of me. When I hit her bed, I am no longer thinking about my pain or about the countries problems. I am thinking only about the woman on top of me.

"I broke so many promises to you, Johanna." She says while we are curled in her bed together. It was the first thing she had said since I walked in the room.

"Is that all you have been thinking about?" I ask as I am playing with her hair. I wish I could have hair as smooth and beautiful as hers.

"No and yes. I am always thinking about it. On how I could have changed what I have done with my life." She shrugs and looks at me.

"Do you regret choosing me?"

"Never. I have never even wanted to be with someone else for as long as I can remember. I know that doesn't seem like much because of my head problem. But no one else is in there except you."

"Why didn't you get me out of the arena?" I ask. I have asked many other people this, but I want to know what she did to get me out.

"I argued to stay to get you and Peeta. They said we didn't have time. Of course, I was throwing things and trying to make them get you. I knew what leaving you meant. However, they knocked me out. I didn't want to be in the news footage either. Coin promised me that I wouldn't be. She lied and then almost didn't let me get you. I had to promise not to risk my life for you. Of course, I broke that promise to her too." She runs her hand down my back as she is saying all of this. It brings a shiver that has nothing to do with the temperature.

"You remember all of that?" I ask. Maybe Finnick wasn't kidding when he said she is almost back to herself.

"I remember just about everything. Except my torture and sometimes even that comes back. It is like a trade. The more I remember about my torture, the less I remember about me. Do you remember yours?" She gives me a stare with her beautiful hazel eyes. I never realized how amazing they really were.

"Only time I can escape them is when I am on morphling." I confess. I have always been able to tell her anything.

"I am hurt." She says with a fake frown and then laughs and begins to make love to me again. It is better than any drug. How did I go so long without her?

We fell asleep in each other's arms. Her room lay just as ruffled as before, but neither of us cared. It was sometime in the early morning, but Holly woke me with her screams. She rolled off the bed with her hands over her head. It was enough to wake the entire hospital. Luckily she had her own room.

"Holly! Holly! Hey!" I am yelling and waving at her. She is in a world entirely her own. Things around the room start to shake and I have to stop her. I grab her wrists and force her to look at me. It is that same look she first game me. The one when she didn't remember me.

She looks like that for a second, and then everything seems to register for her again. I can see the pain in her eyes as she allows me to bring her back to bed. I know she doesn't go back to sleep because the quick rhythm of her heart is the last thing I register.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 22: Eat, Sleep, Train

When I wake up in the morning, I am back in my own hospital bed. That damn girl. I sit up and get another surprise. The necklace I gave Holly is sitting on my nightstand with a small note. I read it with a frown.

I don't deserve your heart. –Holly

"You know, when someone gives you something, you usually don't give it back," I joke as I was walking into her room. I look up but instead of Holly, I see Peeta.

"You've never given me anything, Johanna." Peeta laughs. My face must look ridiculous. He caught me completely off guard.

"Where is Holly?" I ask.

"She moved into a compartment down with Beetee. They are going to train her I guess." Peeta says with a shrug.

I start to head out with a thanks when I notice Peeta's reaction. "How are you doing?" I ask before I head out the door. He must not receive many visitors.

"It is better some days than others. They have me doing some rehabilitation. Like I will be useful for their revolution or something. Only Katniss is good for that." He says bitterly. So he still hates her. Well she has written him off too.

"I feel the same way, Peeta. But you act like it is her fault. Plus, you never know. You may be the final word in this revolution." I shrug and wave to say good bye.

"I need to see Holly." I say to Coin as I enter her study.

"She is down in special weaponry with Beetee. Not really taking any visitors. Especially not from those who set her off." She replies.

"That was an accident. I didn't know what she was capable of. I am the only one she should be around. Wasn't it me that she was programmed to kill? Why not train me with her?" I am bargaining.

"For now, you are to stay away from her." Coin says as if she didn't even listen to my last requests.

"You can go to hell." I says and walk out the door to head to special weaponry.

"She doesn't like you." The president's pet says behind me.

"Do I look like the type of person who cares what she thinks about me?"

"Listen, Johanna, it isn't smart to defy her. She likes having control."

"What's your name again?" He has sparked my interest.

"Boggs." He replied.

"Well, Boggs, I didn't like being bossed around by my former President. Make sure she knows that." I threaten as I continue towards the elevator.

"Just give it a few hours. I will try to talk to her. Convince her that Holly should see you more." He says and puts a hand on my shoulder.

I agree because he probably wouldn't have let me go. "Hey Boggs, can you convince her to let me go to the Capitol too?"

He chuckles before saying, "Don't make an impossible request."

"Please! Tell her I will go to training and everything." I plead as the elevator door opens to let me in.

"I will try." He says as the doors clothes and I go back to the hospital. I need some morphling after the last few hours that I have had.

"Such crap." Katniss says as I walk in.

"You're telling me. I can't go to the Capitol to kill Snow." I reply.

"Maybe you can train with me." She looks at me like she needs a friend.

"Fine. I will train. But I'm going to the stinking Capitol if I have to kill a crew and fly there myself." This is not only about my own vendetta but about Holly's too.

"Probably best not to bring that up in training," Katniss jokes, "But it's nice to know I'll have a ride."

I can't help but grin. Something changed between us in that moment. I actually have something in common with this girl besides the Hunger Games. We are allies again.

In the morning, Katniss and I are embarrassed by having to go to the beginner's class. At first, I want to say something, but it is clear that I am in rough shape. Sadly, Katniss is worse. Her ribs are still badly bruised, and she has to leave before the session is over. I am debating on following her. However, I have to get to the Capitol.

When I finally make it back to the hospital, I am given bad news. Katniss had to get rid of her morphling drip, and they had long since disposed of mine. My pain was not so bad at the time she told me, but by the end of the day, the withdrawal was excruciating.

"If it helps, I want some too." Katniss tries to reassure me.

"It doesn't help. You trying to help got me into this predicament in the first place." I growl. I know it isn't her fault, but I swear at her anyway. At least Holly doesn't have to see this.

The next morning, I can barely get out of bed, but I know I can do this. If I can get electrocuted to near oblivion, I can do some stupid training. I try to wake Katniss. The look on her face reflects the way that I feel. She is about to give up.

"I don't think I can do it." She confesses.

"You can do it. We both can. We're victors remember? We're the ones who can survive anything they throw at us." I growl. It was a weak pep talk seeing as I was shaking and green from the withdrawals.

The morning is horrible. I almost lose it as we are headed out the door. It is raining hard outside. My mind is temporarily back in that room. No, I have to keep control. I can't afford a relapse.

"It's just water. It won't kill us." Katniss says truthfully. If she only knew I think as I clench my jaw and stomp out into the mud. I could really use some type of drug right now, but exercise is all that I get.

"Good morning ladies." Her voice comes out from the rain.

"Holly? What are you doing here?" Katniss asks. I told her about Holly being in the loopy person training.

"Well, Coin wants me to train with you two because if we go to the Capitol, I will be in your group." Holly says.

The day wears on with continuous sheets of rain falling on us. I just get annoyed with Holly being there. Everything she does is perfect and robotic. There is no need for her to physically train like Katniss and I. At lunch, I throw up the meal I had previously eaten. I am not sure if it is from being sick or because it was so slimy.

"Would you like mine, Johanna?" Holly whispers so that only she, Katniss, and I can hear.

"No, it was gross anyway." I say and go back to ignoring her.

In the afternoon, we set up our guns. For me, it is the worst part of the day. The rain has turned to a downpour which just causes the shake in my hands to become convulsions. Holly puts hers together in minutes. Luckily Katniss helps me when York isn't looking. Holly would have helped, but I gave her a look that must have made my intentions clear.

"See you two in training tomorrow." Holly says as she is headed back to her compartment.

"Wait. Can I talk to you?" I ask. Katniss leaves us which I am grateful.

"I am not supposed to linger." She seems nervous as if she were defying orders.

"What is wrong?" I ask.

"Coin has me on a strict schedule." She says and starts to walk away. I grab her wrist.

"So your taking orders like a lap dog now?" I won't let go until she explains.

"Yeah, I guess I am. Do you have a problem?" She says coldly.

"No, I guess not. Just wondering when it was you became a robot." I let go of her.

She seems hurt by that but doesn't answer. They have been doing something to her, and I don't like it. I head back to the hospital and catch up with Katniss. She wasn't far ahead so she probably was listening to my conversation. I don't really mind though.

"This has to stop. Us living in the hospital. Everyone views us as patients." I say as we get into the room. The only problem is they won't let me live alone. Supposedly I am too unstable. Who are they to judge?

"She won't be alone. I'm going to room with her." Katniss says to the man who just told me no. I want to hug her then, but think better of it. Haymitch also backs us up. So, we get a compartment across from Katniss's family.

That night, she goes to take a shower while I wipe myself down. I am traumatized too much to even let water touch me. As I am looking around, I accidently open Katniss's drawer. "Sorry." I say and close it quickly.

"It's okay. You can look at my stuff if you want." She says and curiosity gets the best of me.

Inside she has the locket that Peeta had given to her in the arena. It has pictures of Gale, Prim, and her mother. The next thing I pull out is the spile. "Makes me thirsty just looking at it." I smile. The last thing that I pull out is the pearl. Peeta gave it to her as a small gift. He didn't know that it would mean so much to her, and neither did I. However, she doesn't like to talk about Peeta.

"Haymitch says he's getting better." I say.

"Maybe, but he's changed." She replies.

"So have we all. The arena messed us all up pretty good, don't you think? Or do you still feel like the girl who volunteered for your sister?" I joke with her.

"No," She replies with a smile.

"That's one thing I think my head doctor might be right about. There's no going back. Might as well move on." I put the stuff neatly back and head to bed. "You don't think I will kill you tonight?" I ask.

"Like I couldn't take you." She jokes, and I laugh with her. I let my dreams take me then.

Training gets easier as I get off the morphling. On the other hand, seeing Holly does not. She becomes more like a machine every day. One day, I decide I have to try and talk to her about it.

"Can we have lunch?" I walk up to her. Katniss is trailing because she wants to join us. Plus, Gale is next to her.

"I would love to." She says politely.

We head to the dining hall and get a great surprise. Real beef has come from District 9. It is one of the best things I have tasted in a long time. Everyone is enjoying the meal when Peeta joins us. I make a joke that makes Annie go a little crazy. It was probably an unnecessary joke, but it was meant to lighten the mood.

After a little more conversation, Peeta goes a little crazy on Katniss. He gets taken away by his body guards. I take advantage of it and finish his soup. Holly just stares at me. I notice then that we are all alone. I give her a face trying to ask her what the problem is.

"You are something aren't you?" She seems disappointed.

"I am resourceful. What are you doing down in special weaponry?" I growl.

"I am not authorized to say." She replies.

"What are you authorized to do?" She seems confused by the question.

"I can go to training and have lunch with you. Then I have to go back to my compartment. I don't get a lot of time with you, but it is time." She shrugs.

"Alright, I am going to talk to Coin."

"No! Johanna please." She seems scared. "Listen, I have just got clearance to help you with your hydrophobia. I will be giving you baths." She is happy about this.

"Why would I need your help?" I spit.

Again, I confuse her. Of course she doesn't understand dignity. She is a robot. Whatever they are doing to her, they are destroying the woman I love. I will kill Coin.

I shake my head before saying, "I don't even know who you are." I get up and leave the hall.

"What are you doing to her?" I burst into Coin's office. She is looking at blueprints like she always seems to do.

"She is learning to control herself."

"And she is becoming a machine." I yell.

"If I may speak, Holly should be integrated back into the society. She is stable." Beetee informs us both.

"Integrate her into society. You even talk like she is a robot. And what is this shower crap?" I am so flustered at the entire situation.

"It is a type of rehabilitation for the both of you. Holly needs to be in close contact with someone, and you need to address your fears as well. If you ever plan on going to the Capitol, this will be how you get there." Coin instructs.

I mean, if I have to have someone bathe me, I guess Holly would be the best one for that. I think this over before saying, "If I go through the rehab, I can go to the Capitol?"

"As long as you keep up with your training and pass the tests, yes you will be on the star squad." Coin says and looks back at what she was originally doing. "Your first meeting with Holly is tonight. She will be reporting to me so don't try to skip."

I head back to the compartment. Why does everything have to be so complicated? When I get to the compartment, Katniss is studying terms for the exam. I tell her about what happened with Peeta, but leave out the rest. It doesn't make her feel better like I thought it would. We both have mentally unstable lovers.

"I am going to take a break and go see Prim." Katniss says as we were quizzing each other.

"Yeah, this stuff is dull." I answer. I wonder if she knows about the baths with Holly. I doubt it. She still doesn't know about my hydrophobia.

A few minutes after Katniss leaves, someone knocks on the door. Holly enters, and I just stay in bed. She has to know how much I am going to hate this. Plus, I want to talk to her about my necklace.

"We should get going. It would be best to shower in my compartment. That way Katniss doesn't have to know." She says as she moves into the room.

"I want to say something first. When someone gives you their heart, you usually don't give it back with a little note." I growl.

"Johanna, I can't keep your heart. Maybe in the future, but right now, I need to follow orders so that I can get to the Capitol. I owe our former President a long overdue visit. Please, let's get this over with."

"You are ordered to bath me. That is the only reason you are talking to me?" I try not to sound hurt.

"No…" She pauses, "If I were allowed to talk to you every minute of every day, I still wouldn't feel like I got enough time. However, I am not allowed to do that. Now, let's go." She says and holds out her hand for me to take.

I had delayed for as long as I could so I took her hand and followed her to her compartment. The first thing I notice is how boring her room is. Even compared to Katniss and I's compartment, Holly's is empty of everything except for a bed.

"Why don't you have a dresser?" I ask.

"They don't trust me with anything else. Come on, they unlocked my bathroom before I left." She has to drag me into the bathroom. There is hardly anything in the bathroom either.

"Holly, I can't do this." I am sitting in the corner as she turns on the water. Just the sound send me into a panic.

"Just look at me, Jo." She says and I oblige. She had used my nickname and almost sounded like her old self. As I was watching she began to get undressed.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused.

"This is my bath time too." She smiles as she starts to gently remove my District 13 uniform. I am just a submissive animal.

"Holly, can you stop filling it now?" The tub is about half full which is half full more than I would like. Without looking away from me, she turns off the tap.

She finishes getting undressed, and I happily watch. She is much stronger than I am. They must be giving her more food. Plus, the Capitol did not starve her like they did me. This just makes me wonder what else they did to her.

I am so focused on my own thoughts that I don't notice her pick me up and almost set me in the water. I scream when the water touches my feet. The fear of what is going to happen is too much. I am kicking and elbowing Holly. She takes it as we sit in the tub. I freak out almost the entire time. It is a wonder she even gets us close to clean. I don't take a real breath until the water is completely drained. When it is over, I lean back into her and cry.

"It's okay. It will get better." She rocks me and holds me tight. After a few minutes, she picks me up out of the tub and dries my shaking body. I do feel clean, but I am not confident that it is going to get better.

"I don't have any clothes." I say as Holly grabs a towel for herself.

"They brought some before we got in." Holly says. I can tell she is annoyed, but it isn't geared towards me. She must not like being controlled. It is one of the first human emotions she has shown normally.

We head out of the bathroom, and Holly was right. Someone has set out two outfits. I just sit on the bed. That was one of the most exhausting things I have done this month. I certainly do not want to repeat it.

"Are you okay, Jo?" Holly is helping me get dressed. I must be in some type of shock.

"Yeah, sorry. I can dress myself." I stand up and put on my shirt. It's time to be strong again. Holly gets dressed next to me, and I take a few looks when I think she isn't paying attention.

When I am all dressed, Holly picks up all of our dirty clothes and towels and folds them into a nice pile. They must come for them before she goes to bed.

"Why don't you get anything in your room again?" I ask as she gets ready to drop me back off. I have made myself comfortable in her bed.

"Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and destroy everything in the room. It hasn't happened in weeks, but I am still not trustworthy." She shrugs.

"What did Beetee do to you?" She seems to be in the mood to ask questions so I might as well press my luck.

She sighs, "I can't say, Johanna." She stats to head out of the door. However, I block the doorway. It is my turn to feel in control. I kiss her and push her up against the wall. She tries to stop me for a minute but then seems to decide that I am not going to let her win this battle.

"At least I know you kiss the same." I say and open the door. "There is no need to walk me home." I close the door in her surprised face.

I smile all the way back to the compartment. Katniss is already there and ready for bed. I guess the lights will go out soon. After a few minutes in the dark, Katniss surprises me with a question.

"Johanna, could you really hear him screaming?"

"That was part of it," I say, "Like the Jabberjays in the arena. Only it was real. And it didn't stop after an hour. Tick tock."

"Tick tock." She whispers back.

I have a terrifying nightmare and wake up. It takes a few seconds to realize that it wasn't me screaming. Katniss is having a nightmare as well. I wake her and she apologizes.

"It's alright. I get them all the time." I say. I hesitate for a second but I decide to crawl into bed with her. She doesn't move at first, but I can tell that she is craving contact with another person too. A sane person. I curl up next to her, and we both fall asleep instantly.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 23: Showers and Exams

The next morning, Holly was not in training. I felt a little bad about what I had done to her yesterday. It isn't her fault that she has been given an impossible assignment. My plan had been to apologize to her about it in training, but I guess lunch will do. However, she wasn't there either.

"Are you alright Johanna? You seem a bit off today." Katniss says.

"Yeah I am fine." I reply as I look down at my meal. Did Holly have to go back into her old compartment with Beetee?

"Johanna, the President would like to have a word with you." A soldier from 13 says from behind me.

What could she possibly want with me? I haven't done anything wrong. Nevertheless, I follow him on the familiar route to the command room. She is sitting there with Holly, Boggs, and Haymitch. I wonder what he is doing here.

"Good afternoon Johanna." Coin says and offers me to sit across from them.

I nod in response. So Holly is fine. "You called for me?"

"Yes, it seems that Officer York believes you and Katniss are capable of going to the Capitol. Therefore, you two just need to pass the written test and a few of the physical tests. The Block may be the most difficult part for you. Holly has informed me that you have great difficulty with water. She has requested more time to rehabilitate. Is that alright with you?" Coin says. She is talking quickly, but a few things register. I can go to the Capitol if I pass, and Holly wants to see me more.

I shrug before saying, "When has any of this ever been alright with me? But, I know what I want, and if this is what I have to do to get it, then yeah I will do whatever."

"Good. You'll be spending the next 12 hours in Holly's compartment. Then you will be allowed to rest for a day before your tests. Good luck." Coin looks at Haymitch. "Boggs and I will leave you to finish here." He nods.

Coin and Boggs leave the room. There are a few moments of silence. Haymitch seems to be trying to think of a way to explain things to me.

"Johanna, you aren't going to the Capitol to fight your way through to Snow. Coin plans to use you for just promos." Haymitch finally says.

"What?!" I nearly shout.

"Yeah that is what I said, Jo. Why bother training us if we aren't even going to be useful?" Holly says. She had her arms crossed in anger.

"Now listen. Just because you are going to be filmed doesn't mean it isn't real. There is still danger on the outskirts of the Capitol. They designed it to keep rebels out. Holly, you have already received a lot of training from Beetee. It wasn't just to prance you around like a pony. You are going to be on the squad to keep everyone in order. Especially them." Haymitch says and points to me and an image of Katniss on the screen.

"That wasn't Coin's original intention." Holly looks at him accusingly.

"No, but Beetee did what he thought was right. The fact of the matter is I have to ask a favor of both of you." Haymitch looks down guiltily.

"If you tell me to save her life again Haymitch, I will slap you." I say because I saw this coming.

"It isn't her that I want you to save. It is him."

"Peeta?" Holly asks in surprise.

"Coin is sending him in there to throw Katniss off. To throw everyone off. But we know that he isn't a bad person. He isn't ready to go out there. The stress will set him off. He isn't trained like you two. I can't let him down again." Haymitch looks at us in a pleading fashion.

I want to protect Peeta, but I had every intention of defying orders and going alone to kill Snow. I am sure Holly was having the same idea. Peeta would just hold us down like he did me in the arena. Either way, Haymitch looked so old in this moment.

"I will protect him." I say and Haymitch gives a light smile.

Holly sighs, "I just follow what she does."

We close up with Haymitch. He is doing well for being off the alcohol. Of course, his hands still shake uncontrollably, but other than that, he seems stable. It reminds me of when I got off of the morphling. I guess it is a good thing that I am young because I have no shakes.

"We should probably get going. I have a plan." She says and holds out her hand for mine.

"I usually like your plans, but I am positive I will not like this one." I growl and don't take her hand. She ignores me and takes me to her compartment.

"I saw that you and Katniss are more than friends." Holly says when we get in her room. I am glad she didn't look at me because her comment had taken me by surprise.

"It isn't like you have any say in it." I am being childish.

"I have never had a say in 'it'" She spits.

"So why did you drag me here to take a stupid shower with you then? Do you enjoy seeing me in pain? Is that what Beetee did to you? Rewired you to tolerate people but never feel any emotions." We are probably lucky there is nothing for me to throw at her.

"Oh you think you are so smart don't you, Jo. Well I am so sorry that I have to try and help you. Sorry I can't be everything you want me to be. I am not perfect." She held out her hands in defeat.

I don't reply; instead, I sit on her bed and try to calm down. It is going to be a long 12 hours if we are angry the entire time. I hadn't done anything wrong either. It wasn't like I was interested in Katniss, but I guess that it might have looked that way.

Holly knelt in front of me. She moved around until I looked at her. All the anger was gone in her face. What goes on in her head?

"I am sorry." She says and leans over to give my forehead a light kiss. It is protective and apologetic all at the same time.

"Me too" I sigh and head into the bathroom. "Let's get this shit over with."

She took my hand and guided me towards the shower. Why does it have to be water that I am afraid of? I used to love taking a shower with Holly. Right now, all I can think about it the room and the electricity. Holly can obviously feel my hesitation.

"Can I show you what I can do?" She says to distract me.

"Sure." I say. She lets go of my hand and stands a few feet away. Then I have the most exhilarating feeling. I am moving! She is drawing me towards her. I fall into her arms. "Whoa! That was awesome. Do it again!" I laugh. She obliges but moves me away from her and then moves other object around the bathroom. Pretty soon we are playing with the toilet paper as she pretends it is a snake attacking us. I hide in the shower to pretend to get away from it.

"See it wasn't that hard to get in there was it." She jokes and I realize what she means. However, before I could get out she had me up against the shower wall. My heart was racing but not because I was scared. I always liked when Holly played. It was the right amount of everything I wanted.

I kissed her because I couldn't wait any longer. She didn't seem to object. Instead she showed off by taking off our clothes with her new found power. I couldn't help but laugh as all of this ensued. She is making this enjoyable. However, she also used her power to turn on the shower which made me jump. I think I might have been expecting it though because I didn't cry out.

"Just look at me, Jo." She says. I notice something then. The water isn't touching us. This woman is amazing. She continues down my stomach, and I let out my approval. As I am finishing, Holly either loses control of the water or does it on purpose. But, I can feel the water hitting my body. It takes me by surprise, but I don't want to move away from her. However, she stops.

"What's wrong?" I ask. She doesn't answer and just start to wash my hair. I don't know if I am mad or scared or turned on. Either way, the shower is not so bad. Before I know it, she has us both clean and the water is off.

"That was a great improvement." She smiles as she looks at me. I always loved her smile. We both got out, but I wasn't ready to get dressed. After all, we had hours to spend time together.

The next morning, I woke up in Holly's bed. She was curled up next to me but wasn't sleeping. "Do you ever sleep?" I ask.

"Normally, yes. But I didn't want to have a repeat of the last time I slept with you." She admits.

"That bad huh?" I joke. She smiles.

"We better get you back to your compartment. Your exams are later today." She says. We get dressed, and she walks me back to my compartment.

"Good luck, Jo." She kisses my forehead again and walks away.

"There you are. Do you want to do some last minute studying before the written part?" Katniss asks as I walk in.

"I will quiz you if you want, but I feel confident." I say with a smile. I just conquered my fear. A stupid exam is not going to stop me.

The written test was easy, and Katniss and I flew our way through the physical test. Before I knew it, we were at the Block. The Block was a mimic of a real Capitol block. Everyone kept mentioning that it tests your weaknesses. I know my weakness. It scares me a little, but I am thinking of last night with Holly more than I am of the torture.

"Soldier Johanna Mason." The audio recording said and the block door opened to let me in. I looked over at Katniss and she gave me a nod of good luck.

I get in there and everyone who is supposed to be in my squad is surrounding me. Our mission is to get from this side of the block to the far right side. It doesn't seem too difficult. Of course, it is raining, but that is barely noticeable. Holly is there with me and that is all that matters. However, something has to go wrong. There are a slew of Peacekeepers coming our way. Holly has been hit, and I am trying to bring her to her feet.

"Leave her!" Boggs orders me.

I know this is not real, so I follow orders. There is no way in real life I would leave her though. I look back and see Holly get shot. How do they make it look so believable? I have lost my focus and don't even remember the mission. There are too many things to process. Plus, this damn rain is not helping things. I am aimlessly following Boggs. However, there was no way I was going to pass this test. Coin didn't want me to get through it. The wave of water coming at me set me off. I am running away abandoning the mission and shooting everything in my way.

The sirens telling me my test is over do nothing but make things worse. I just sit down and place my hands over my ears. They come from behind and knock me out.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 24: Gifts

I wake up to angry voices. This is an important conversation so I pretend to still be asleep.

"That test was bullshit! You killed me right in front of her and then flooded the street. What did you expect her to do?" Holly shouts at someone.

"That could very easily happen in the Capitol. She is not mentally stable." Coin says plainly.

"Oh and Peeta is so much better." Holly growls.

"Don't question my judgment. You know exactly why I am not letting her go. Not only will she distract you, she will defy orders and cause problems."

"That is not what this is about. The reason you are sending me there is to make sure none of that happens. It is because I didn't accept your offer isn't it?" Holly whispers. I am not sure what she means.

Coin doesn't reply right away. There is silence for a few more seconds before I hear, "If you accept, I suppose I could wave her in with Peeta."

"You are despicable." Holly says. There is so much hate in the way she says it. I would hate to be the person she said that to.

"No Soldier Wood. I am not the one who just agreed to something despicable." Coin says as she walks away. "Boggs will fetch you in an hour."

Holly sits on my bed and says, "You don't have to pretend Johanna. I know you were listening."

I smile and open my eyes. "How did you know?"

"I have spent enough time watching you sleep. I know when you are faking. So, quite the test huh?" Holly is trying to lighten everything.

My smile fades. "I am not going to the Capitol? Or is Coin striking another bargain with us?"

"She isn't exactly striking any bargain with you. In fact she is really envious of you. She has been trying to get me to bed with her since I got here. Disgusting I know. I have refused and she tried to get Beetee to rewire me to hate you and obey only her orders. However, Beetee told me about it and so I had to pretend to not want anything to do with you for a while. She thought it was working. That was when Beetee and I just had to pretend like he couldn't rewire me to hate you. She accepted this, but still wanted me." She explains. It all makes sense to me. Why she would ignore me and why she seemed scared to talk to me. It had to be convincing.

"So in order for me to go to the Capitol, you have to go to her. She is no different than Snow." I am getting angry. The nurse is coming by to give me more medicine.

"Please don't. I will be leaving shortly." Holly says to her and the nurse nods. "Jo, I know how much going to the Capitol means to you. If you want, I will do it."

"No. I will just fly there on a stolen hovercraft." I joke.

She takes my hand for a second and I know she is going to leave me soon. When will I see her again? "So this is goodbye again?" I ask.

"We won't be leaving until tomorrow. I will stop by tonight." She promises and leaves the room.

Once Holly is gone, the nurse comes and tries to drug me more. I shout at her because I don't want anything to put me to sleep. Surely there will be nightmares to come. She drugs me anyway. So just to piss her off, I am sitting there trying to keep my eyes open. It is not as easy as it looks, but I get another visitor.

She walks in and I can smell it, the smell of fresh air. So she went hunting before coming to see me. Shows how much I matter to her I guess. However, she surprises my when she sets a little package down on my lap.

"What's that?" I ask hoarsely. I must have screamed too much at the nurse.

"Something for you to put in your drawer. Smell it." She replies.

I oblige and before I know it, I am taken back to times that are more innocent. Holly and I playing in the pine trees as kids. Her hair was braided like Katniss's and she was my best friend then. The scent, "Smells like home." I finish my thought out loud.

"That's what I hoped, you being from 7 and all." She says. She doesn't know what to say because my eyes are watering. This girl cares about me even though I have never been very nice to her. She is going to the Capitol and may die.

I grab her wrist as she is about to head out. "You have to kill him, Katniss." I do not loosen my grip.

"I will."

"Swear it."

"On my life." She is getting uncomfortable from my grip.

"No, on your family's life." I glare.

"I swear." She says. I am satisfied enough and go back to sniffing the bundle of pine needles. "Why do you think I am going, brainless?" She jokes and I laugh at her as she used the nickname I had given her.

"I just had to make sure." I reply and she leaves my life for forever.

That night I stay up for as long as I can, but Holly never shows up. Maybe she thinks it is easier not to say goodbye. She is probably right because when the star squad is on the screen in the hospital room that day, I feel better thinking she is just on television and not at war.

"Johanna?"

"Hm?" I open my eyes to see Coin looking at me.

"Do you still want to go to the Capitol?"

"Hell yes!" I jump up out of bed.

"We are sending a hovercraft with Peeta and you in less than an hour. Get ready." She says.

"Wait! What made you change your mind about sending me?" I ask and wonder if Holly ended up in bed with her.

"Haymitch did." Coin states bluntly. Either way, I am dancing around with joy.

Haymitch is on the hovercraft that is there to drop us off. He is not in as high of spirits as me. Of course he knew that Peeta was going to be sent. However, I am sure it is just like the Hunger Games again. He has to protect them both except they are no longer allies.

"Don't worry Haymitch. I am there to keep up with my bargain." I say to try and lighten his mood.

"The only reason you are here is Coin is hoping that you die." Haymitch whispers. Well that makes sense. Coin wants me out of the picture so she can be with Holly. I don't really care about the politics of it though. I am going to the Capitol.

I give Haymitch a hug good bye and walk with Peeta off of the hovercraft. The look on everyone's faces when we get there is hilarious. I am sure it is only Peeta that they are so upset about. Holly seems to find it humorous like I do at least.

"Now we really are the star squad. All they have to do is send Annie, and they could call us the super star squad." Holly jokes. Finnick laughs too because he gets the humor in it. Everyone else seems to think that Peeta is going to go off on Katniss though.

"I will keep an eye on him. You act like he is Snow or something." I say.

"It isn't about that Johanna. " Gale starts in on me.

But Katniss says, "It's alright Gale. Peeta is right back in the Capitol. I am sure it feels just like home for him." I didn't really know what to say, but I made a note to keep them apart from each other.

The days wore on. It was really boring being on the star squad. However, I was making secret plans to get away to the President. Holly and I would plot in our tent. Of course Peeta was an issue, but we didn't talk about him.

"I am glad you are here even if we are both likely to die. At least I can spend my last days with you." Holly says one night when we aren't watching Peeta.

"I wouldn't want it any other way." I say and hold something out for her. She recognizes it and smiles, takes it, and puts it back around her neck.

"The greatest gift you could ever give me." She says, and we fall asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning brings what is probably going to be another boring day. We all are just having a little fun when something goes wrong. Boggs makes one wrong step and the mine blows him up.


	26. Chapter 26

I am posting this chapter to get my story back out there. I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything, but I am going to try to post a new chapter soon. Right now I am trying to give the previous chapters a boost because I read them and they need more details! Please review though because it will give me some motivation to continue with the story. Thank you!


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